A heart for sale.!

What do we know about hearts?

I know my question sounds a little weird, but if I were to ask you to define 'Heart' for me, what would your answer be? Rationally, the answer would be a scientific and medical definition, and that is:  "the viscus of cardiac muscle that maintains the circulation of the blood". My guess is that such a simple definition is what could pop into one's head if asked such question. Well, I am not really looking for a scientific answer for my question, for it is far from what I want to say here.

When I was a kid, I learned everything I needed to know about hearts, for educational reasons. What I didn't know back then, and what the teacher hasn't explained to us is the fact that hearts are breakable. It is funny the way we process information and knowledge in our minds as children, and how we see and perceive things ever so simply and innocently. Had I known that a heart not only bleeds, but breaks easily, I would have gone to all lengths to immunize it against hurt and suffering. If I had known that as a child, I would have taught myself, much earlier, not to succumb to good-heartedness and emotional generosity, I would have avoided empathy whenever I could, and shown nonchalance to those who deserved it.

Just for the record, it does not have to be a man that has brought me to this conclusion. Yes, it is love that weakens you all the time, but one does not have to be 'in love' to be heartbroken. My story is different; I am not in love, but alas heartbroken!

A friend can break your heart, and they do it so bad you cannot break free from the pain, no matter how hard you tried!

I wonder, why is it so easy for some to inflict pain on people who have opened their hearts to them and embraced them at all times, without stopping for a moment to think twice?
Why do we have our eyes wide shut when we shouldn't!
Why do we keep falling in the same trap once and twice! Maybe it is sheer naivety, or exaggerated good intentions!

At this point, I find myself unwilling to process it all in my mind; I am far too weak to search for answers I don't have, or maybe cannot handle at the moment; given my current state of heart.

Once upon a time, I was told that you always get as much as you give. I believed the fairytale, but today I think it is too good to be true, for some people just don't realize that hearts are breakable, and MUST be handled with utmost care.

That is him!

 

I have been asked, once, by a follower of my blog about my own checklist for 'Mr. Right'. He was interested to know what I look for in a man, and what could make someone qualify as the perfect match for me, after reading my post titled "Her checklist, and my checklist". At the time, I promised to dedicate a whole post to answer that question; I think it is only fair that I do so because for one thing a promise is a promise. The other thing that made me decide to write this post is my knowledge that some of the people I know think I am looking for the impossible, and that I am asking far too much of a guy! Honestly, there is nothing impossible or hard to find in my checklist.

The first thing I need to stress here is that I am not looking for the 'PERFECT' catch; I am certain that no one is perfect and everybody in this wide world has flaws. Looking for perfection is a delusion, and I am certainly not after delusions. What I seek and hope to find is my perfect match, and there is a huge difference between wanting a perfect catch and my perfect match, whom I want to be perfect for me as person, and suit my mentality and fulfill my emotional needs and go in harmony with my lifestyle as a whole. It is a fact that some people are definitely ill-suited and others do click from the very first instant they cross each other's paths. Is that even close to impossible? Everybody wants to be a hundred percent certain that they choose right, and that they click with their partners. I am waiting for that click, and I cannot force my mind to react or make a decision unless I get that inexplicable and emotionally puzzling feeling that is said to be all a lady needs to know she has met the one.

Now I know you must be wondering who could qualify as Mr. Right. So, let me tell you! The thing I know about myself, and people who know me in person do see in me as well, is that I am a romantic, and a little far from being realistic when it comes to matters of the heart. Having a romantic and an emotionally generous partner is very important to me. I like to portray myself as a flower that could fade away and perish if not properly nurtured; emotionally that is. I love to be pampered and handled delicately by my partner, not spoiled of course, for I know men don't have enough patience to attend to their ladies' wants and needs all the time. I'd be naive to think such men exist, wouldn't I?

Here is another thing, I want a man who mentally stands with me on the same platform! I am not saying I want a total intellectual, but we have to at least be mentally compatible. I am an analytical person; I like to see into things and think carefully before I take a step forward, and I want my partner to like that about me, so he doesn't think I am being annoying or sophisticated. I am a thinker; my friends and relatives say so about me! I like to weigh matters and think thoroughly before I react or make a judgment about anything. Am I being a perfectionist when it comes to that?? I write, and dream of becoming a great author almost every day, so I expect my partner to respect that and admire it, not discourage me or make fun of my aspirations! I want him to understand me and provide me with as much support as that I would give and take interest in the things that define me as a person. I have this strong belief that being discouraged or taken lightly when it comes to what I want to do with my life only means there’d be this huge and impassible void between the two of us, and that a vital part of me will gradually die, as a result of which I’d either become someone I don’t recognize or resent my partner for taking that away from me; for not seeing or understanding what I want him to render special and different and characteristic of me. 

Unfortunately, our society is full of men who only want to change their partners according to their likes and preferences, and transform them into symbols of a fixed image they have in mind; as though we have no will or freedom of choice, or a say in what we look forward to having in a life-transforming step such as marriage! Don’t we all dream of being liked and chosen just the way we are; with all our qualities and flaws? Why change another according to what we want? Why not accept them and love them without having to impose our beliefs and ideas and mindset on them? Is that what partnership is about? Is it something we should accept and give in to, or else we’d be called arrogant and demanding??  Frankly, I don’t understand how so many men think and act as such! And I wouldn’t want to give up ‘me’ just to satisfy someone’s ego! I want my future partner to choose me for who I am, and love me insanely just the way I am. I do have a strong mind, but I am not arrogant or uncharacteristically stubborn just for the sake of standing out as the ‘Hard to please’ kind of woman. All I am asking from a man is to approach and see me right. All I want is for him to decide and believe that I am the 'ONE’ and ‘ONLY’ for him. It takes charm and intelligence, and I do like these two qualities in a man.            

I am not asking for an extraordinary man, all I want is the one I perceive as extraordinary, and right and perfect for me, for who I am. I am not hard to please, or a lady whose heart is hard to win, as much as I am a lady who seeks to be charmed by her perfect match; by the one I have always imagined could truly sweep me off my feet and take my breath away and totally dazzle me, not by out of this world qualities, but by being a true gentleman, a man of respect, morals, and genuine inner beauty.  

All I want is to choose right, and be chosen by the man I pray for my heart to recognize, and beat for at the right moment, and eventually whisper to me “That is him.. That is the one”! 

Cupid, hit me.!

It is 'Valentine's Day'!!

Yes.. It is the day that people from all over the world wait for; expectant, enthusiastic, and somehow anxious! Men and women of different ages and beliefs spare no effort to make this one day a 'once in a life time' event, and a day to always be remembered and celebrated with zeal and a passion that knows no limits. Of course some of them have a 'Valentine', and others don't, which makes all the difference! Those who have would expect their partners to go to all lengths to make the day as special as it could get, while those who have not might feel a little sorry for themselves, and would most probably pray for a miracle to make the dream come true! I know it because I have heard it around me for so many times I lost count. Apparently, everybody wants a 'Valentine'!

Though Valentine's Day is not an occasion to be celebrated in Islam, thousands of Muslims do celebrate it extravagantly. They wait and plan for it, and it means a great deal to them. It is the day on which some hearts soar with love and anticipation for memorable moments, and memorable words.

I don't have a 'Valentine', and many ladies out there don't either. Yet, I am happy for all those who have. I heart you people and wish you a life, not just a day, full of love, and that kind of passion that does not wait for a day once a year to come to life and thrive along the way. Don't wait for the 'Valentine's Day' to be happy and love and live, make every day a Valentine's.

To all my ladies out there, don't pray for Cupid to hit you, for it will only happen when God sees it is the right time for you to meet your other half. Just be happy and think about the love that is all around you. I cannot say that I don't want to fall in love, or that I don't think about it often, but deep down I know he is out there, and that he will come my way only when it is the time.

For now, enjoy the day everybody..

Wish you love.. Love.. And more love..

I belong here..

Whenever I think of blogging, I get this inexplicable rush of excitement, mingled with peace and comfort. Yes, when I blog; when I post a thought, a notion, or simply speak out something I need to set free, I feel just as free; as though I have been blessed with the chance to breathe fresh air, away from all and everything that could pollute that freshness.

Maybe I don't come here as often as I should, but that does not change the fact that it is where I belong, and where I don't think twice before I willingly let you all in on my world, on me; on a person some of you knows next to nothing about! As I am back here today, not thinking while writing this; only giving in to the  beauty of the present moment, I feel fresh and alive; like all my worries and anxieties have been driven away by a force stronger than I could fathom.

A blog is a friend, it is a loyal companion that is always there for you, at your times of need and when you think the world has turned its back on you. A blog  is a good friend almost anytime you crave a good listener to whatever it is you need to say. At times, you just need to babble, scream, nag or even speak gibberish! At times, you feel lonelier than ever, more confused than ever. At times, one feels as though they have lost all ability to talk, so they write! They express themselves through their words. When I woke up this morning, I knew instantly that I needed to write, I needed to blog. As much as I'd want to make you see it all through my eyes, today I am wordless than ever. Still, I need to write.. I need to be here!

This might be the case with some of you, and for others it could a whole different story, yet I believe that despite all our differences, we somehow share the same passion. When we blog, when we take the time to sit and post something, regardless of what it is, we express a unique passion towards what we do and who are when we do it.

Some of you would understand this; would understand me, and some might not. Some would see through me, and others wouldn't! Nevertheless, I am here, and will always come back to the one and only place that has an infinite capacity to listen. So many things I know, and so many things I don't, but I am here.. I am here because I love to blog, and I love me when I blog.

I am here because I know I belong here..
 

Where do we go from there??

Sometimes, unexpected things happen to us; events we haven’t planned or even thought could occur to us at a certain point in time. Yet, they do happen, and when they do, they often take us by surprise. 

At first, we question whether or not we should allow ourselves to be whisked away by the suddenness and beauty of that ‘event’, whether we should begin to hope and see beyond what the eyes could see! We start to make plans, we start to hope, and dream!

Usually,  we take it all for granted and assume everything could, or would, happen according to how we have always seen it once upon a dream, only because we had an initial hunch about it; a so-called ‘CLICK’! We don’t think that maybe, just maybe, we are being delusional and over optimistic; in which case we don’t brace ourselves for the painful disappointment that follows the ‘Oh so sweet a feeling’!

Sometimes we put too much hope in a dream, an idea, a fantasy we have long waited for to come true, and people we find likable enough to believe they fit into that big picture of ours! Ironically, it all goes wrong; leaving behind a mental and emotional mess; a broken heart and a wounded ego! Only when the storm passes and we are once again able to see clearly, we realize that not all dreams come true, and what the eye sees is not necessarily the ultimate truth. Apparently, we only see what we want to see, and believe what we want to believe.

Standing at a crossroads today, I wonder why when we start to hope only a little, all hope is crushed mercilessly! Why do we have to cry when what we really crave is a heartfelt laughter, a hand to hold, and a heart to embrace for eternity? Why are we often in for disappointment and heartache when we least expect it?

When we stumble and fall,,

When we cannot hold back the tears,,

When we hurt a lot we cannot find the right words to say,,

Where do we go from there??

Her Check list,, and my Check list

Last night I watched the movie titled ‘Beauty & the Briefcase’, which my brother has recently seen and recommended to me. I think he knew in advance that the movie would click with me, and he was right! I strongly related to it.

The film stars Hilary Duff as a fashion journalist who works undercover to write an article on dating businessmen, or more to the point on falling in love in the workplace. She had this check list which contained the 10 qualities she was looking for in the man of her dreams, whom she thought only existed in the world of business; with endless men wearing suits!

The bottom line is, Hilary; ‘Lane’ in the movie, finally came to the conclusion that it was not possible to find everything she was looking for in one man, and that sometimes one could end up falling in love with the one guy who is far from being ‘qualified’ for your so called check list. And that what happened to her, for she realized that all the time she was in love with her boss, who had zero of her check list qualities.

When the movie ended, I found myself traveling down the same path she took, and asking myself whether my fantasies about Mr. Right have inadvertently turned him into a ghost of a man, a ghost I have familiarized myself with and learned to accept in my life; if only by sheer fantasy.  I cannot say that I have a check list for my dream man like Lane, or that I don’t! What I know is that it is only normal to want to find certain things in the man of my dreams, but what matters to me the most is the ‘click’ thing that has been killing me since I cannot remember when!

Well, I felt happy for Lane; for her discovery and self revelation, and at the same time I felt a little sorry for my hazy emotional state of mind. I feel as though I am turning into another ‘Lane’; believing that decent men don’t exist anymore, and that the time of fairytales is really gone, which actually leaves me dreaming and fantasizing more and more, and thinking to myself “How does a real click happen to people?” And “When and how mine will happen?”.

But really, how does one end up believing, or not believing, in such somehow ‘Realistic”  fairytales??

It is here

It is here, once again
Eid is back..
Eid is back when Ramadhan seems to have only began yesterday!

I am still in Ramadhan’s mood people;P

I miss it already and I feel as though I am bidding farewell to a dear friend!

It is amazing though eh?
The way time passes ever so quickly; drawing us closer to all the moments that we thought were distant moments that won’t come as quickly!

Yet, this is how time works and we can never stop it!
So, Eid Mubarak my friends and I wish you all a great time celebrating with your families and beloved ones.

Welcome Ramadan

The Holy Month of Ramadan is tomorrow Insha’Allah!
I am totally excited… And Happy… And so at peace with myself and the whole world!

I am in love with this Holy Month, and I wait for it ever so patiently every year!

I hate to speak about how I always feel when the end of it draws close! So I am not talking about that today!

I just want to wish you all a Happy and a blissful Ramadan...
Hope you fill it with good deeds and fruitful Godly acts!

SO

Ramadan Kareem my dears…
May Allah bless us all with his mercy…
And bless the souls of all our departed beloveds, whom I wish were here with us to share our joy today!

They will always be in our hearts…
And we will never forget them…

You are in our prayers…
Every moment…

Whatever has become of us??

 

Last Friday, I was lying on my bed late at night, with my younger brother lying next to me. We both had our Blackberries glued to our hands; each  searching for ways to be entertained and drive boredom away; either by reading and re-reading the endless broadcasts sent to us throughout the day, or playing games, or surfing the internet aimlessly! At that very moment, I was not that much interested in my BB, and neither was my brother. I could feel that we both were lost for words, or more to the point lost in our own ways! Normally, we would never run out of topics to talk about, or encounter moments of awkwardness as to what to say, because we have always been so close to each other that I have constantly felt as though we could read each other’s minds ever so easily, and delve into a world of mysteries only we could unravel.

I have this special bond with all of my three brothers, whom I have learned to be so close to, and have succeeded in establishing quite an easy and carefree and solid relationship with. I miss them when they are not there, and I love hanging out with them and having them support and protect me at all times. They are  the light that guides me through the darkness and the safety harbor that can keep me afloat, and out of harms way! It is how I see them, and I know they would go to all lengths to see me happy , and smiling! 

That Friday night, I knew something was not right; I could see it in my brother’s haunted looks and that aimlessness emanating from him! I felt it inside of me too, and I did not need to confront my own demons to know that both of us were miserable in our own terms; trying to understand why and how we have become to be this much in need for some extraordinary event to make a true change in our lives and put that genuine and heartfelt smile back on our faces! When I turned to look at him, I saw my question reflected in his eyes, yet I could not find the answer I was desperately seeking. I inwardly wanted to deny the fact that I was fragile and breakable more than ever, but I could not; knowing it would have been a lie I would soon admit to myself. At that moment, I felt inconsolable and confused; wanting to know how and why I have lost that old zeal for life, surrendering to some strange and smothering gloominess that has cast a dark shadow on me and my little beloved family. Sometimes it is that hard to speak out your fears and anxieties, especially to your beloved ones; dreading the hurt you could inflect upon them at seeing and feeling you hurt!

There is this inexplicable air of uncertainty and apprehensiveness and melancholy that has suddenly taken hold of us and imprisoned us in a grip of iron, which seems almost unbreakable at times! When I sometimes look at the faces of my older and younger brothers, I feel that painful tug at my heart; knowing that each one of them is struggling to make their realities a reflection of their dreams! When I look at us now, I can see how far away we are from where we used to stand yesterday; once upon a time, when even the laughter had a different ring to it!

We used to build sand castles and feel so triumphant merely at being able to protect it from a persistently and incessant wave, whose only wish was to destroy our so called indestructible little castles! But where are we from all that optimism now? Why cannot we pursue ‘the dream’ with a little more stamina and stubbornness? Why do we stumble and fall way more than we did when we were little children?   

Whatever has become of me?
Whatever has become of them??

Whatever has become of us???

Hawaiian Birthday

Last night I was invited to my cousin’s birthday, whose theme she chose to be Hawaiian! We had to dress in Hawaiian costumes or anything resembling the theme itself, for which reason I wore a colorful gown with quite a nice and unfamiliar style overall. I left my hair falling on my shoulders in a natural and at the same time beautifully chaotic way. It looked as natural and carefree as I wanted it to be! I also wore matching make-up, which I did myself; I love to do my own make up.  Anyways, what really matters here is the decoration for the party! It was amazing and way beyond I expected! I mean, I knew in advance that my artist cousin will definitely make it look as close as possible to a true Hawaiian atmosphere and environment, but never had I expected her to pull it off like she did. For the record, she is studying interior design and is considered to be a true artist by almost everybody; amongst whom are her teachers. She took part in a number of fashion shows, at which she excelled and has proven to be a person with a true talent.

So, here we go…

   

She had this drawing placed at the top of the stairs, where we stopped before entering the big sitting room at which the party took place. She drew it herself, and I found it amazing! I truly loved it and I spent long moments admiring it! Great work sweet Fatooma.

Then….. We had to take our pick from the finishing Hawaiian accessories for our colorful outfits! She made them herself, again.

You cannot see the necklace I chose because I was wearing it while taking the photo! When we were done sorting our looks and putting the final touches on our dazzling dresses,,

We did this… Below!! 

She arranged these beach-like luxuries for her guests! The girls took plenty of photos on that rug, under the shade of that colorful umbrella. I think they did feel as though they were on the beach in Hawaii:P

After having all sorts of fun pretending to savor the Hawaiian paradise….

  

 We had the beverages corner all to ourselves! As you can see, she decorated it in a Hawaiian way, and filled it with the kind of snacks we needed! Fruits… oh,, and Juice of course!

  

I drank plenty of that fruit juice! Was so refreshing!

That was also yummy.. Ahem!!  

At last, came the yummy food! Oh my, the dishes were mouth watering indeed! All prepared by my beloved aunt! Hugs!!







There was Spinach & Chicken Béchamel macaroni, noodles, chicken and cheese sandwiches, garlic bread, mashed potatoes with chicken, cream and cheese, stuffed grape leaves, Kushari (Egyptian dish), thyme bread, pastries and other dishes! We had our taste buds treated and pampered to the fullest!!

Last but not least, the cake!!

The cake was unbelievable!! I won’t say a lot, because you have the picture to make you drool!!

I truly commend my cousin for the amazing and crazy and enjoyable party she threw! I had the time of my life, along with everybody else! We sang and laughed like crazy, and danced to the beats of Shakira’s Waka Waka song! I had to be taught the moves though! Crazy I know!!

Wow…
That was one hell of a wonderful and memorable birthday part, which I will always recall with a smile of enjoyment on my lips!

Thank you Fatooma!!

You are wonderful and you deserve all the best…
You will be Bahrain’s number one artist and interior designer god’s will!

Hugs..

I love you so much:))