October 29, 2008

No face!!

For a start, what I am going to present to you here might sound strange and even crazy for those who do not know me, and who would probably question my sanity and wonder whether the whole story is what it is and what I say it is or whether it is a totally different issue that I am not willing to share with you and thus have intentionally manipulated either to delude you or stir your interest and imagination all the same!!

Well, rest in peace because I am doing none of that!! But first let me tell you something that will make it a whole lot easier for you to understand my way of thinking and the reason I have written the letters, some of which you’ll read in my next post!

You know that people have their own different ways of expressing themselves, whether mentally or emotionally. Some opt for talking and letting into the open whatever it is they want to express, some choose to remain silent and analyze their thoughts & feelings on their own and others do that in writing! By now I am sure you know that I belong to the last category! When I do that, I do not do it because I lack the ability to verbally express myself, but because writing is a totally different story for me! Every time I choose to do that, I experience a sense of freedom and peace unlike any I have ever felt! By writing, I find myself and I succeed in capturing a whole new victory regardless of what I write; that is whether it be a pleasant or an unhappy experience.

Of course that does not have to be in the form of a personal journal (diaries), it could always be spontaneous heartfelt scraps of writing that are not necessarily done on a daily basis; just whenever there is a special incident or a certain thought that needs to be passed on to paper, as a memento or a means of achieving spiritual release or comfort!

Now back to my point, or fairytale if you wish to call it that, I have found myself a somewhat unusual way to communicate with myself and speak out my mind! You are dying to know how, aren’t you?

Well, I do this by writing letters, every now and then, addressed to a guy who has no name, no form and no identity! In other words, a person who does not exist in the first place, at least not yet! Yeah yeah I know it is strange, but it is funny and at the same time so very relaxing! But do not worry I do not send them to a magical land or something, I just keep them safe amongst my many other treasures!

You know, I have always believed that speaking your heart to the person you love; your soul mate, is different and feels different no doubt! And although I haven’t found that person yet and I do not know what it feels like to be swept off your feet and have your heart beat crazily for the one & only person who is destined to be eternally yours, I still know by instinct that it is a unique and invaluable experience, which nothing can ever compete with. Thus, it is not wrong at all to refer to it as the very essence & meaning of life!

When reading one of these letters, however, you’d feel as though they were written to a real person, a guy who does exist! I do this on purpose and I do want them to sound genuine and true, or else they wouldn’t be as unusual as they are now!

Every single letter of these is addressed to my imaginary knight, whom I have named “No face”. So, our next stop will be with the very first letter I have written to (No face).

Until then, please wait for me and for “Him” with the same anticipation and enthusiasm!!

October 15, 2008

A smile for the memories..

It is amazing; the way we manage to summon up a certain memory out of a hundred others welled up deep inside the recesses of our minds!!

The other day, as I was listening to Mariah Carey's "One sweet Day", I found myself smiling uncontrollably and feeling a warm rush of content sweeping through my whole body, leaving me swamped in a strange sense of nostalgia to those old days of childhood!

That song triggered a specific incident and actually took me back to the age of 10 or 11, to that time when I heard this song and got acquainted with the great Mariah Carey for the very first time! To tell you the truth, back then English songs were not really that favoured by me and I almost knew none of the so-called cool singers of that particular generation! Frankly, it didn't really bother me that I was oblivious to all that hubbub!
However, that day I was visiting at my aunt's house and having fun with my cousin Khulood as usual! I am only one year older than her and so we do get along very well. So, that day I heard Mariah's track "One sweet day" and I got hooked instantly!

Let me tell you this, I have this habit of getting attached to things by using my sense of hearing! Believe me, I know from the first moment I listen to any song or music whether it appeals to me or not! And Mariah appealed to me alright! She still does, and still is my favourite female singer ever! Though for me that album remains the best I have heard for her, I do spontaneously buy every single album she releases and I don't question whether it'd be as good as expected or not! Of course, you can guess that I bought that album myself right the next day!

Now, at the age of 26, this very song never ever fails to bring back the same sense of excitement and wonder I had back then! Isn't that exhilarating?! I mean 15 years of my life have passed ever so quickly, transforming everything on its way including me, and yet deep down I know for sure that the child I used to be at that distant moment in time still resides somewhere inside of me; making life more bearable, adding beauty to my days and reminding me that at moments of distress I can always close my eyes, mentally turn back the hands of time to that same day and relive the joy and peace one gets out of being a child; blessed with that total blindness to all the traumas & hardships of life, which of course we cannot, now, but strive to tolerate and deal with even if it hits us right between the eyes!!

God, how many times I have heard people around me mumble to themselves 'If I could only go back in time and be a child once again, if only for a split second'! Cannot say I haven't silently wished for that to happen at certain points in my life, and I know that it is perfectly normal to do so. Yet, we all realize that this does not ever happen in reality, and so there is always the memories left for us to cherish and preserve as priceless gifts bestowed upon us by god to draw on our lips a beautiful smile that time can never erase!

Today, I can tell you that I am happy to have fully lived those moments, and to have smiled and laughed a lot back then. Though grown up and mature I happen to be at this stage of my life, it makes me extremely alive and exuberant to have this somewhat "Silly" yet beautiful smile of remembrance dominating my face and adding a spectacular glow like no other!