That is him!

 

I have been asked, once, by a follower of my blog about my own checklist for 'Mr. Right'. He was interested to know what I look for in a man, and what could make someone qualify as the perfect match for me, after reading my post titled "Her checklist, and my checklist". At the time, I promised to dedicate a whole post to answer that question; I think it is only fair that I do so because for one thing a promise is a promise. The other thing that made me decide to write this post is my knowledge that some of the people I know think I am looking for the impossible, and that I am asking far too much of a guy! Honestly, there is nothing impossible or hard to find in my checklist.

The first thing I need to stress here is that I am not looking for the 'PERFECT' catch; I am certain that no one is perfect and everybody in this wide world has flaws. Looking for perfection is a delusion, and I am certainly not after delusions. What I seek and hope to find is my perfect match, and there is a huge difference between wanting a perfect catch and my perfect match, whom I want to be perfect for me as person, and suit my mentality and fulfill my emotional needs and go in harmony with my lifestyle as a whole. It is a fact that some people are definitely ill-suited and others do click from the very first instant they cross each other's paths. Is that even close to impossible? Everybody wants to be a hundred percent certain that they choose right, and that they click with their partners. I am waiting for that click, and I cannot force my mind to react or make a decision unless I get that inexplicable and emotionally puzzling feeling that is said to be all a lady needs to know she has met the one.

Now I know you must be wondering who could qualify as Mr. Right. So, let me tell you! The thing I know about myself, and people who know me in person do see in me as well, is that I am a romantic, and a little far from being realistic when it comes to matters of the heart. Having a romantic and an emotionally generous partner is very important to me. I like to portray myself as a flower that could fade away and perish if not properly nurtured; emotionally that is. I love to be pampered and handled delicately by my partner, not spoiled of course, for I know men don't have enough patience to attend to their ladies' wants and needs all the time. I'd be naive to think such men exist, wouldn't I?

Here is another thing, I want a man who mentally stands with me on the same platform! I am not saying I want a total intellectual, but we have to at least be mentally compatible. I am an analytical person; I like to see into things and think carefully before I take a step forward, and I want my partner to like that about me, so he doesn't think I am being annoying or sophisticated. I am a thinker; my friends and relatives say so about me! I like to weigh matters and think thoroughly before I react or make a judgment about anything. Am I being a perfectionist when it comes to that?? I write, and dream of becoming a great author almost every day, so I expect my partner to respect that and admire it, not discourage me or make fun of my aspirations! I want him to understand me and provide me with as much support as that I would give and take interest in the things that define me as a person. I have this strong belief that being discouraged or taken lightly when it comes to what I want to do with my life only means there’d be this huge and impassible void between the two of us, and that a vital part of me will gradually die, as a result of which I’d either become someone I don’t recognize or resent my partner for taking that away from me; for not seeing or understanding what I want him to render special and different and characteristic of me. 

Unfortunately, our society is full of men who only want to change their partners according to their likes and preferences, and transform them into symbols of a fixed image they have in mind; as though we have no will or freedom of choice, or a say in what we look forward to having in a life-transforming step such as marriage! Don’t we all dream of being liked and chosen just the way we are; with all our qualities and flaws? Why change another according to what we want? Why not accept them and love them without having to impose our beliefs and ideas and mindset on them? Is that what partnership is about? Is it something we should accept and give in to, or else we’d be called arrogant and demanding??  Frankly, I don’t understand how so many men think and act as such! And I wouldn’t want to give up ‘me’ just to satisfy someone’s ego! I want my future partner to choose me for who I am, and love me insanely just the way I am. I do have a strong mind, but I am not arrogant or uncharacteristically stubborn just for the sake of standing out as the ‘Hard to please’ kind of woman. All I am asking from a man is to approach and see me right. All I want is for him to decide and believe that I am the 'ONE’ and ‘ONLY’ for him. It takes charm and intelligence, and I do like these two qualities in a man.            

I am not asking for an extraordinary man, all I want is the one I perceive as extraordinary, and right and perfect for me, for who I am. I am not hard to please, or a lady whose heart is hard to win, as much as I am a lady who seeks to be charmed by her perfect match; by the one I have always imagined could truly sweep me off my feet and take my breath away and totally dazzle me, not by out of this world qualities, but by being a true gentleman, a man of respect, morals, and genuine inner beauty.  

All I want is to choose right, and be chosen by the man I pray for my heart to recognize, and beat for at the right moment, and eventually whisper to me “That is him.. That is the one”! 

Cupid, hit me.!

It is 'Valentine's Day'!!

Yes.. It is the day that people from all over the world wait for; expectant, enthusiastic, and somehow anxious! Men and women of different ages and beliefs spare no effort to make this one day a 'once in a life time' event, and a day to always be remembered and celebrated with zeal and a passion that knows no limits. Of course some of them have a 'Valentine', and others don't, which makes all the difference! Those who have would expect their partners to go to all lengths to make the day as special as it could get, while those who have not might feel a little sorry for themselves, and would most probably pray for a miracle to make the dream come true! I know it because I have heard it around me for so many times I lost count. Apparently, everybody wants a 'Valentine'!

Though Valentine's Day is not an occasion to be celebrated in Islam, thousands of Muslims do celebrate it extravagantly. They wait and plan for it, and it means a great deal to them. It is the day on which some hearts soar with love and anticipation for memorable moments, and memorable words.

I don't have a 'Valentine', and many ladies out there don't either. Yet, I am happy for all those who have. I heart you people and wish you a life, not just a day, full of love, and that kind of passion that does not wait for a day once a year to come to life and thrive along the way. Don't wait for the 'Valentine's Day' to be happy and love and live, make every day a Valentine's.

To all my ladies out there, don't pray for Cupid to hit you, for it will only happen when God sees it is the right time for you to meet your other half. Just be happy and think about the love that is all around you. I cannot say that I don't want to fall in love, or that I don't think about it often, but deep down I know he is out there, and that he will come my way only when it is the time.

For now, enjoy the day everybody..

Wish you love.. Love.. And more love..

Her Check list,, and my Check list

Last night I watched the movie titled ‘Beauty & the Briefcase’, which my brother has recently seen and recommended to me. I think he knew in advance that the movie would click with me, and he was right! I strongly related to it.

The film stars Hilary Duff as a fashion journalist who works undercover to write an article on dating businessmen, or more to the point on falling in love in the workplace. She had this check list which contained the 10 qualities she was looking for in the man of her dreams, whom she thought only existed in the world of business; with endless men wearing suits!

The bottom line is, Hilary; ‘Lane’ in the movie, finally came to the conclusion that it was not possible to find everything she was looking for in one man, and that sometimes one could end up falling in love with the one guy who is far from being ‘qualified’ for your so called check list. And that what happened to her, for she realized that all the time she was in love with her boss, who had zero of her check list qualities.

When the movie ended, I found myself traveling down the same path she took, and asking myself whether my fantasies about Mr. Right have inadvertently turned him into a ghost of a man, a ghost I have familiarized myself with and learned to accept in my life; if only by sheer fantasy.  I cannot say that I have a check list for my dream man like Lane, or that I don’t! What I know is that it is only normal to want to find certain things in the man of my dreams, but what matters to me the most is the ‘click’ thing that has been killing me since I cannot remember when!

Well, I felt happy for Lane; for her discovery and self revelation, and at the same time I felt a little sorry for my hazy emotional state of mind. I feel as though I am turning into another ‘Lane’; believing that decent men don’t exist anymore, and that the time of fairytales is really gone, which actually leaves me dreaming and fantasizing more and more, and thinking to myself “How does a real click happen to people?” And “When and how mine will happen?”.

But really, how does one end up believing, or not believing, in such somehow ‘Realistic”  fairytales??

Simply extraordinary

 

I wanted to write this yesterday, and because I did not have the time to, I decided I would do it today. Well, I might have wanted to write this since the moment I met this ‘Extraordinary’ lady, to whom this post is solely dedicated. I think she would know this is about her, and for her, but just in case; Hadeel this is for you! 

Hadeel, what can I tell you about her? Whatever I would say would sound so small and insignificant in comparison to her greatness and the aura of uniqueness she seems to possess. The simplest thing I could think of when she comes to my mind is a fresh flower bouquet, or a spacious garden full of blooming and fragrant flowers, just like the picture above. I searched for something that would resemble her, and when I finally came across this picture here, I immediately felt as though I could see her face in it; with its freshness and simple beauty, for that is what you first notice about her; her unsophisticated simplicity, spontaneity, grace and beauty.

Life is said to be something similar to Pandora’s box; it is always full of surprises, and there will always be something you did not see coming, hidden in every corner, waiting to surprise you whether pleasantly or unpleasantly. My pleasant and blissful surprise was Hadeel, whom I knew by sheer coincidence; the same coincidence that brought me to where I am at this very moment; writing this post about an amazing person, a person I see as a friend and a sister I dearly love. Luckily enough, Hadeel is now here in Bahrain, where I can constantly enjoy her company and bask in the bliss of having her at my side; sharing extraordinary moments; as extraordinary and spectacular as her.

When Hadeel first came to our house, it was like a refreshing spring breeze had found its way to the house and its inhabitants. Every single member of my family fell in love with her smile and her charismatic self immediately; they could not resist her aura, or her laughter and that elegance emanating from every word she uttered, Masha’Allah; please say Masha’Allah with me (LOL). I am not exaggerating here, everything I say about her is the truth and nothing but the truth; she is an extraordinary lady, a lady born to mesmerize everyone who knows her, and imprison them in her world of beauty and charm.

Everyday in her company feels like a new world of wonders. I have learned so many things that only a while back seemed like theories and sayings I would only hear and look over or forget. With you, Hadeel, I have learned to see life from an angle I have never before considered. Now it seems as though I am witnessing the rainbow for the first time, and learning to enjoy anything that comes my way without questioning whether or not any good would come out of it.

It is your capacity for loving life that has cast a new light on my life and me as a person. It is your wisdom that makes me see things simply for what they really are; without looking for ways to complicate them or ruin the beauty that lies in them, no matter how small or insufficient that beauty is.

Hadeel..

You talk wonderfully. You add life and beauty and gorgeousness to everything around you.
You know how to make me have fun; real fun.
You have a loving heart and a pure soul that make people love you without thinking, cause they simply let down their guard and go with their feelings.  
You know how to make change happen.
You are the daughter any parents would want, and the kind of wife that I am sure makes your husband a lucky man, and drives him to thank God everyday for the gift of (You) in his life.
You are an extraordinary sibling to every single member of your family, and definitely an extraordinary friend to your friends, including me.

Hadeel..

I love you for who you are, and everything you are, and everything you make me feel with your precious existence in my life and your amazing sisterhood and friendship.   

Because you are an extraordinary being, I am writing this. 
Because you mean a lot to me, I am writing this.
Because I cherish our friendship and do not ever want to lose it, I am feeling all this.

And because you deserve all the love one could feel and give, this post is certainly about you, and for you, my extraordinary friend.        

Missing You

This is especially dedicated to my beloved father, whom I miss terribly! He is currently in Geneva on a business trip, and though it has only been like three days since he left, I feel as though it has been forever since I last saw his dear face.

I know that, by now, I should have gotten used to him being away more frequently because of his job, but every time he is away, it feels anew to me, and the emptiness his absence leaves inside of me is something I can never get used to. Being an only daughter amongst three boys, I know I am kinda spoiled, and I know that my father treats me more like a princess, but that is not the reason I love him this much, and miss him this much, and need him this much!

Well, I know that we are all supposed to love our fathers and look up to them and cherish their existence in our lives and thank God every day for the blessing of having them at our side, and I love my father for all that, but I also consider him special in his own way, and unique in ways I simply can never perceive as 'Ordinary'. You know, the one thing I wish for so bad is finding a man as special, extraordinary, amazing, loving and wonderful as my father.

Now that he is away, I miss his daily morning call, which has come to be an essential part of my day to day life. Every morning, he calls me when I am on my way to work, and this call truly makes my day, every single time, for I arrive at work more refreshed and a much happier person. And when I am facing a hardship, I just cannot think of anyone capable of lifting the burden off my shoulder but my father, whom I simply cannot see myself without.

I miss his smile,
his embrace,
his voice,
his wisdom,
his loving touch, and everything else I could think of and relate to him, and only him.

My father is my strength, he is my smile, and the centre of my universe. If there is one thing that could totally and completely blow my whole world and bring my downfall, it is thinking of me and my life without him!

Dear dad, I miss you so very much and this is to let you know that there is nothing I want more than to see your beloved face very soon!

May Allah grant you health and happiness and a long life, full of love and peace and content. You are the greatest father and the best gift a daughter could ever ask for.

'THE' Birthday Girl

Happy Birthday to Me..
Happy Birthday to Me..
Happy Birthday.. Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday to Me!!

Yeah yeah it is my birthday today!

I cannot believe it, can you??
I have turned (....)

Sorry cannot tell..!

LOL

I will leave it to you guys to guess

Ahem ahem; the mystery lady I know;P

Well, I have mixed feelings, which I cannot quite analyze or even understand!

I am happy and excited and thrilled about the celebration that is yet to come, but I am also kind of pensive about the whole thing!

It really does feel a bit strange to go through your birthday minute by minute; thinking about what it means to you and what you want to do and what you dream of getting; by that I certainly do not mean gifts!

For me, this day is more of an intense emotional experience; filling me with expectations for tomorrow and the days to follow. I see myself days and months from today, standing at a crossroads, thinking of me.. What I want, and who I seek to become and where I want to go from there.

Last year, on this same day, I made a wish, or two, or maybe three, or four!!

Am I losing count here?

I cannot say that they have come true, but at the same time I know there is a reason why some of them haven't! Only Allah knows why, but in my heart I  believe in the 'Why' even without knowing it or seeing it.

I am happy and blessed to have people who love me and remember me and go to all lengths just to make my day special and unforgettable!

I had pleasant surprises and tearful moments that tugged at my heart and made me see how much they all love me and care about me!

I thank them; every single one of them.
I want them to know that I love them so much and that my life is beautiful because they exist in it!

Today, I also thank Allah for my life..

For my health..

For my parents and brothers..

For my friends and sisters..

For having a life that is a blessing..

For everything I have and do not have..

For who I am..

For all I am..

And one more thing,,

I had a terrible day at work today, and I felt like crying and struggled to stop myself from ruining it all!
But then,, I remembered that it is my birthday, isn’t it??

So I decided that nothing is worth spoiling my moment!!
NOTHING!!

Today I get to be the Birthday Girl..

So,,

Happy Birthday to me..

Mr. Right

How do we know that ‘someone’ is Mr. Right? How do we recognize the ‘click’ that is supposed to occur when the one of us comes across this Mr. Right?

I always ask myself such questions because I find it extremely puzzling; a mystery which I still haven’t managed to unravel completely. I know it is all about destiny and how each one of us is meant to be with someone who has been destined for us all along. I believe in this and I have no doubt about it whatsoever, but I need to understand it and recognize the symptoms, as I fancy calling it, that indicate that this 'anyone’ is the so-called Mr. Right! I need to know it in my heart and feel it totally, so I won’t have any doubts or uncertainties about the whole issue. Not knowing is frustrating!

My married friends always tell me that I should and would feel it if any of my suitors happened to be the one. In a number of cases, I did know that ‘Him’ and ‘Him’ and ‘Him’ were certainly not meant to be the one! I knew it instantly and my normal reaction was wanting to flee the place as soon as I could and never look back! I always found reasons and faults to say no! And I never regretted it in any of those times, with none of those suitors. I could not see myself stuck for eternity with any of them, and I know now that I was absolutely right about my intuition, for if I was meant to be the one for one of them, I would have ended up saying yes a long time ago!

Still, I always ask myself the same question, over and over again, how is it possibly plausible that I’d know someone is not Mr. Right, but I would always be doubtful whether someone is Mr. Right? How is this ever understandable or acceptable? How do I make myself grasp the logic or non-logic in it? Can somebody please tell me?!

Some say it is all about the heart; claiming it’d always tell you if the ‘One’ was in close proximity! But what if your heart never does know?! What if it just cannot know that and does not have that radar by which it would recognize the symptoms and signs and indications? What if you were always driven by sense and sensibility? What if your way of looking at it is simply by pinpointing the positives and negatives you see in the guy and weighing them against each other to know whether it is a ‘YES’ or a ‘NO’?? Is that even credible or guaranteed to work all the time?

     

Okay, so I am sweet, romantic, emotional, dreamy, and full of hopes and expectations about my Mr. Right, but where do I go from here if my heart still refuses to give me the sign I am looking for to know and to believe in my story of ‘Happily ever After’?! Is there some kind of fault in it or what! I mean, for those of you who know, really what is it all about? A flutter of the heart or a mental click in the head?

And,,

If, despite all the uncertainty, a day would come when someone-anyone- comes along, and you think nothing has happened and no ‘click’ has occurred, but something God knows what stops you from saying NO every time you attempt to do so, does it mean anything at all?  

I am asking, so clearly I am the one who does not know!!

You are mine

 

While writing this, I am listening to a song named “6ameny”; meaning assure me of your well being, or tell me you are alright, by the famous Kuwaiti singer Abdulla Al Ruwaished. It is a very beautiful romantic song, which also has its share of melancholy and a touch of nostalgia.

Well, for me the song is a link to a memory that goes back to around 4 or 5 years. At the time, I coincidentally came across a novel whose writer used to publish chapters from on a regular basis, in a Saudi Forum. The author is a Saudi doctor by the name of Mona Al Marshood. The novel itself is called ‘Anta Li”, this is translated as ‘You are mine’. For anyone who feels interested in reading it, I won’t reveal any details about it so as not to spoil the thrill of reading it without knowing anything about it.

I cannot say what really drew me to it back then, but I seriously became so hooked to it to the extent that I spent continuous hours just reading chapters and chapters without so much as a break! I was literally glued to the screen and caught in a spill that did not free me until I was done with reading all the chapters she published online. However, after reaching chapter 43, she made an announcement that she would stop publishing online until she gets the whole thing printed on paper, due to the unpleasant fact that her story was stolen and published in different forums with other names! So to preserve her rights, she wanted to have it printed so the truth would remain that she was the real author. You can imagine how upset we got! Her readers were like thousands from all over the world and no one had the patience to wait. Our wait dragged for months, and the months became a year or two! At a certain point, I stopped waiting and decided to give up on the whole thing.

As the time went by, I heard that the whole thing was finally published! People had to register in order to get a copy of the book from Saudi Arabia, particularly at the official signing of the book. I could not get my copy because I was late and they ran out of copies. I asked one of my Saudi friends to go the bookshop that sold the book and get me one, but they had none! I was desperate, and got really upset knowing I would not be able to finish reading the thing! However, some of those who did get the book scanned the remaining chapters and put them online for the rest of us to read! So, I did finally finish it:) I loved it, really loved it.

Anyways, back to the song I am listening to at the moment, when I first started reading the story, I had this same song playing, and I don’t know why, but it was just the perfect song at the time to make me get into the story deep; real deep. I put it on the repeat mode, and I did not even get sick of listening to it over and over again. Of course I cried like a baby throughout the read, and the song contributed to that.

Now, I cannot listen to it without remembering those days, and the story, and all the details, and the feelings it evoked in me back then. I can literally close my eyes and relive it all, moment by moment. It is amazing how we can always link a particular song or melody to a particular incident. We can always go back in time merely by listening to it again.

This memory, and this song, always makes me smile, despite the sense of sadness it beholds. I am the kind of person who has a connection with certain kinds of songs, each of which means something different to me. The biggest sentimental, I know! LOL.

For those of you interested in listening to it or watching the clip, here it is! Enjoy:)

Love You,, Love Life

 

Today, I woke up feeling extra fresh, and extra happy! I know that we are supposed to frequently-if not always-have that touch of hope and willingness to love life just the way it is, because it feels right to be hopeful and optimistic, but we are humans after all, and it is perfectly normal to usually not be over the moon! We all have our ups and downs, for this reason, I stopped asking myself why I am not feeling good about myself and about everything at certain times! Anyways, back to the point, I woke up all happy and smiling today; don’t ask me why though;P 

It just happened! No reason at all. So, I made myself a steaming cup of coffee, and boy it felt unusually good. Well, I guess it had something to do with my buoyant self!

So, all through the day, I kept smiling almost to everybody at work, and felt extremely exuberant that I just could not let myself get frustrated over anything or let any silly incident ruin my contagiously pleasant mood. I almost felt like telling everybody that they should wipe the frown off their faces and put on a smile, no matter how small a smile it is! I know that one little smile could make all the difference in someone’s life. For all you know, it could light up the world for someone who has been waiting-forever- just to see that smile brighten your face, and brighten his/her day just as much.

We usually spend our days sulking over trivial things, and waste our time dwelling on the past; forgetting that the future is ahead of us, waiting for us to open our eyes wide enough to see it, and stretch our arms to embrace a promise only tomorrow could hold for us. I know that I sometimes forget to enjoy life as much as I should, but along the way I have learned that every moment we waste is gone forever, unless we learn to seize it  before it flees, before it is too late even for regret! Even getting crazy at times and doing the unusual things; things we have never thought we could do, has its own beauty and makes you feel unusually ecstatic!  

Believe me, love is the most powerful of all sentiments! It has the power to change you, change the people around you and change the whole world even! Love is magical in its effect and outcome, so it is worthless to waste our time hating and resenting this or that, him and her!
Love is extraordinarily healing, believe me. It is a blessing and a gift from God. So, just love your life, love people, but most importantly love who you are, because loving yourself is definitely the first step towards loving others and learning to love and live life to the fullest. 

I love you all… 

To Mom and Dad..

Today is a very special day to me, and I am sure it feels the same to so many daughters out there, besides me. As positive as I am that my post will not be original in its content, as many have already written about the occasion and others will certainly follow, I still want to seize the opportunity to celebrate this happy day and scream 'Happy Mother's Day' to my mom, and to every mother, or mother-to-be;P

I cannot say how much my mother means to me, because anything I could say would definitely not do her justice. It feels a bit awkward for me to try and summon the right words to express how grateful I am for being blessed with  a mother as great and loving and gracious as my mom. I don't have sisters, but she is more than a sister to me. I treat her as a friend, and I can tell her whatever I want without a moment of  hesitation. She is so kind and understanding that I sometimes hate myself for making her sad, if only for a second!

I love you so much mom, and I want you to know that my life means nothing without you! You make me a better person, and your beautiful smile only can light up my world. If I ever did anything to upset you in any way, I am so sorry!

May Allah bless you and grant you happiness and health and that unique smile of yours that means the world to me and my brothers.

Though most people consider this Mother's Day only, I always think of it as Family's Day. My brothers and I always celebrate it with both mom and dad. We buy gifts for the both of them. As much as a mother is loved and appreciated, a father should be appreciated and cherished just as much.

If it weren't for my father, I would not have become the person I am today. He is my example in life, and I take after him in so many ways that I sometimes just cannot contain the pride and sense of triumph such knowledge fills me with. I have learned a lot from him, and there are yet endless lessons to be learned along the way.

I love you dad.

Mom,, dad
You are the best gift one could ever get.
And I am totally blessed and loved for having you.

Happy Family's Day

Don't say a word..!

We all have secrets, and we all have issues that we'd rather keep to ourselves and never let anyone on in. We probably do this because we prefer to have some privacy, but sometimes we do it because we choose to not reveal some things in fear of appearing fragile and breakable before the eyes of the people surrounding us!

You are definitely wondering about my secret at the moment.

And, you are most probably asking yourself about this thing I am attempting to reveal here.

Don't try too hard, for I am here to unravel the mystery myself!!

When I open my blog to post something new, I always feel like coming home, like I have been lost in the middle of nowhere and finally found my way to the one place that truly comforts me, the place that makes me feel at peace with myself and the whole world.

When I blog, I am free of any and every fear that might prevent me from talking to you freely. When I touch the keyboard, I don't think twice before letting my words fly high to reach you; every single one of you out there. My blog is my haven.. It is my refuge.. It is my little paradise.. It is where I am totally and completely free; free to speak.. Free to scream.. Free to cry.. And laugh.. Free to present you with the chance to see through me, to know me, to understand the real me.

I am not here today to talk about my love for my blog; I think you all know that by now;P

I am here to set me free.. To say the thing that I have been dreading to say out loud because I did not want people to think of me as a complainer, or see me as someone who does not accept what has been destined for her by Allah; that is not having a sister.

Here goes, the secret is out; I am sad because I do not have a sister!! Do not say a word, though;D 

I know I am not the only one who does not have a sister, and I swear I thank Allah every minute for blessing me with friends who are closer to me than anybody, and whom I cannot see life without because they are an essential part of me, without whom I know I cannot survive.

It is just that sometimes loneliness closes in on me, suffocates me beyond reason.. Beyond comprehension; making me blind with a strange kind of grief, one that does not give me the chance to breathe properly because it sucks all the air out of my little world.

Last night, while lying on bed trying so hard to lull myself to sleep with pleasant thoughts, I found myself wishing so bad I had a sister, with whom I could babble till late at night, and go crazy with like sisters normally do, without once stopping to think whether or not  she'd understand me at all times.

I could not stop myself from imagining what it'd feel like to have that sister stay with me in the same room, with her bed right next to mine, when on the weekends we would get ready for sleep, but would end up talking and talking and talking about all the silly and non-silly things in the world until time ceases to exist for us, or until one of us falls asleep mid sentence! Now how beautiful do you think that image is??

When I have such thoughts, I feel so lonely, and so bereft that I could hardly hold the tears back. At such moments, all I wish for is the ability to block the tantalizing 'I wish for this' and 'I wish for that' and stop myself from turning into a bitter version of myself. When loneliness chooses to pay me a visit, I pray for peace of mind and heart to conquer it and put the smile-My smile- back on my face.

Truth is I sometimes cannot help but fall victim to such negative thoughts and sentiments, but I am still thankful for all the happy and wonderful and extraordinary moments I got and still get to live with all my friends/sisters out there. You know yourselves and you know how much I love you and Will always do. I will never stop being there for you all whenever you need me.

 
To all of you who happen to read this, and who have real sisters, keep them safe all the time. Show them how much you love them and treasure every moment you spend with them. Don’t ever underestimate the value of your sister; a sister is a treasure that only those who are deprived of know what it is like not to have. 

Love your sisters..
Treasure them..

Who am I??

The other day, one of my cyber friends asked me to tell her more about myself; we were trying to learn more about each other. For a few moments, I just sat there staring at the screen and thinking of what I was going to say next. I could feel my fingers going still on the keyboard in the middle of my short lived stance. I mean, it is fairly difficult to describe yourself to people, to talk about yourself from your own angle and perspective. I did feel at a loss of words at that instant, and for the first time in a while I asked myself  that one question: Who am I?

By this question I don't mean to question my personality or aim for an attempt to know myself more, or dig deeper into my soul to discover things I might not know about myself, for at the end of the day nobody knows you better than yourself! What I am trying to say here is that it felt awkward for me to search for the right words to portray myself as I should do, and make the whole picture clear and readable enough for those who do not know me in person, the people who might, at this very moment, be reading my words and wondering about the lady behind the screen; the lady who calls herself Miss Dreamer.

Well, for a start I see myself as a dreamer; a big dreamer so to speak. I enjoy day dreaming to the extent that I can close my eyes and see the future life that I would like to lead  in a matter of minutes. When I dream, I dream big. When I drift away with my mind and my imagination,  I can always come up with stories that I long to star in and turn into a vivid reality one day. I am not saying that reality ceases to exist for me, because if it weren't for my urge to use my mind a lot and analyze almost everything before putting it into action, I would not have managed to survive the cruelty of today's world, what with the marshmallow like heart I happen to have!  What I am saying here is that I am so emotional that I sometimes wish for my heart to never feel things the way it does; it  is constantly making me wish for and crave things that are said to only exist in fairytales.

It is very easy to make me happy, to make me smile, and at the same time the littlest things can turn my whole world into ashes and make me cry! Sometimes I wonder if it is a bad thing to be so emotional, so easily moved, so easily touched from the inside. Well to some people it might be, but I believe one better be passionate and sensitive than callous and unfeeling!

I do not know what else I could say about myself, because it is indeed proving difficult to elaborate more about me, about who I am! However, I cannot help but see what I want and dream about in my mind's eye. I can see myself bumping into my destiny; the man behind the mask, No Face, my knight in shining armor. I can see myself holding hands with him, loving him, needing him; the one I am still waiting for to paint my dreams with the colors of the rainbow. I can see myself becoming a mother to a cute little baby, cuddling it, holding it close to my heart, feeling its heartbeat in the very depth of my soul, laughing, and giggling, and going crazy with the kind of happiness that only such a future could bring. On top of all that, I see myself becoming a universal author; the author I have longed to become, for longer than I can even remember. 

Who am I??

I am simply a lady who has dreams, and also fears.

I know the smile,, the laughter,, yet I can sulk like a baby at times;P

I have strengths, but I do have my weaknesses as well.

I can be so yielding at times, but that does not stop me from opting for stubbornness

whenever necessary.

I am the realist, but also the biggest dreamer alive;P

(Aren’t I exaggerating a little-chuckling to myself-

I enjoy being around my family and friends to the extreme.

I totally find pleasure in snuggling comfortably under the covers to read a romantic book, and smile and laugh and even cry once I get so much into it.

I love life, and I pray for it to love me back just as much.

Who am I??

I sure am not perfect, for nobody ever is, but I like who I am, and am proud to say so. 
 

P.S: This post is especially dedicated to my friend Texan. You inspired me to write this post. Thank you dear:)

Falling in love with blogging

  

When I first established my blog, I did not know that I was a blog person; I did it because I was encouraged to do so by so many people around me, who obviously knew at the time that  I could and would be able to succeed in making my blog a readable one. I am not showing off or being vain here, I am merely saying that I am thankful that I have entered the exciting world of blogging.

I remember how uncertain and scared I was at the beginning; I did not know whether or not I could make myself interesting enough as a blogger, and I did not know if I would be able to paint my posts with the colors I loved, and portray them the way I wanted. For me, the quality of my writing was more important than anything else; I wanted to have that touch and skill by which I could engage people who took the time to visit the blog, and I most certainly wanted to be capable of weaving magic with my words. Does that sound strange? I sure hope not! I did not know until I created the blog and started writing in it frequently that it would become an essential part of my life, I did not expect to fall in love with blogging the way I did, and still do.

I know that I do not write as much as I want to, but I still enjoy the thrill that overwhelms me every time I post something new. The pleasure and gratitude that washes over me every single time I find a new comment on any of my posts is beyond description, and the discovery that an additional fan has joined my blog and decided to be a follower makes me want to jump up and down from excitement. Now don’t laugh at this;P

There is not really a criteria that I stick to whenever I decide to post something new; I just do it when a new thought pops into my head, or when I feel that persistent and strong urge  and need to let something out, to express a notion or an emotion! Through blogging, I have found a way to speak to people, and have them speak back to me. Through blogging, I discovered a heavenly refuge that nothing can replace. It is very strange how easily and naturally words flow when I sit on my chair and face the screen to write anything new. It is magic, and it is the one thing that truly sets me free, on a constant basis. The refreshing thing about blogging it is the way it makes me feel as though an invisible, yet a powerful, connection is formed between me and people I know, and others I do not know; all through the power of words, and expressions, and ideas. When I write, I feel as though I am completely known and familiar to every single person who reads my words, and thus reads me!

Though I would love to write and update my blog more frequently and on a much steadier pace, that does not change the fact that I enjoy writing here, whenever I get the chance to do so. It is like I am born anew every time I publish a new post and learn that it has intrigued various readers to a satisfying degree. And believe me, if I had known before that blogging would give me such pleasure, joy and content, I would have established my blog much much earlier.

So, for the love of blogging, I want to say a huge thank you to all of you who have encouraged me to create this magical little world of mine. A special thank you also goes to all of you who take the time to visit my blog and take interest in what I have to give and for providing me with more than enough motivation to keep going.

Thank you for making me enjoy this.. For making me love it and believe in it and in myself.. Thank you for making me fall in love with blogging over and over again.

My Valentine..

14 February 2010

Dearest No face,

I still find it fairly difficult to communicate with you after long intervals of absence, such as this one! I know it has been a while since I last wrote any letter to you, and as inexcusable as this might be, I find myself unable to justify it properly, to myself, let alone to you! It is strange, isn’t it? For someone to get this much attached to a phantom, an illusion, a fantasy that relates in no way to reality. Yet, I am always full of excitement whenever I grab my pen and write yet another letter to you.

There is this strangest and most powerful feeling overwhelming me at this very moment, while I am writing this to you. I cannot quite explain it, and I wonder if you would even get it, but I am happy and joyful in a way that I haven’t felt for quite sometime. Every word, every expression, and every single sentiment accompanying these words here is true in every sense, that much I want you to know, and that much I certainly want you to believe, for the fact that you are a No Face does not change the truth that I am pleased by your existence in my life, no matter how crazy or laughable this might sound to some. Every single one of us out there needs something to cling to, to believe in, to find consolation in. When I think of you, and when I write to you, I find all the consolation I need, and more importantly, I find content, and the smile that everybody wants to see drawn on their lips.

You know, until late this morning, I didn’t realize it was Valentine’s Day! It took me sometime to make the connection, and when it hit me that it was indeed February the 14th; Valentine’s Day, I was disoriented for a moment or so. I thought to myself, here comes another Valentine’s Day without your real presence in my life. This day would have turned out differently if you were for real, and I would have been a happier woman, don’t you think?

They say everything happens for a reason, and there is a perfect time for every occurrence in life. I cannot deny the fact that your absence makes me sad and fills my heart with a kind of hollowness that only you can fill, completely. However, an inexplicable intuition; stronger than anything else, keeps telling me that you are closer to me than ever, that I’ll finally get to see you, and fall in love with you, only this time for real.

I believe in Allah,, in destiny,, and I also believe in you,, in my love for you.

Happy Valentine’s Day my Sweet Valentine..

Love,
Zainab