Whatever has become of us??

 

Last Friday, I was lying on my bed late at night, with my younger brother lying next to me. We both had our Blackberries glued to our hands; each  searching for ways to be entertained and drive boredom away; either by reading and re-reading the endless broadcasts sent to us throughout the day, or playing games, or surfing the internet aimlessly! At that very moment, I was not that much interested in my BB, and neither was my brother. I could feel that we both were lost for words, or more to the point lost in our own ways! Normally, we would never run out of topics to talk about, or encounter moments of awkwardness as to what to say, because we have always been so close to each other that I have constantly felt as though we could read each other’s minds ever so easily, and delve into a world of mysteries only we could unravel.

I have this special bond with all of my three brothers, whom I have learned to be so close to, and have succeeded in establishing quite an easy and carefree and solid relationship with. I miss them when they are not there, and I love hanging out with them and having them support and protect me at all times. They are  the light that guides me through the darkness and the safety harbor that can keep me afloat, and out of harms way! It is how I see them, and I know they would go to all lengths to see me happy , and smiling! 

That Friday night, I knew something was not right; I could see it in my brother’s haunted looks and that aimlessness emanating from him! I felt it inside of me too, and I did not need to confront my own demons to know that both of us were miserable in our own terms; trying to understand why and how we have become to be this much in need for some extraordinary event to make a true change in our lives and put that genuine and heartfelt smile back on our faces! When I turned to look at him, I saw my question reflected in his eyes, yet I could not find the answer I was desperately seeking. I inwardly wanted to deny the fact that I was fragile and breakable more than ever, but I could not; knowing it would have been a lie I would soon admit to myself. At that moment, I felt inconsolable and confused; wanting to know how and why I have lost that old zeal for life, surrendering to some strange and smothering gloominess that has cast a dark shadow on me and my little beloved family. Sometimes it is that hard to speak out your fears and anxieties, especially to your beloved ones; dreading the hurt you could inflect upon them at seeing and feeling you hurt!

There is this inexplicable air of uncertainty and apprehensiveness and melancholy that has suddenly taken hold of us and imprisoned us in a grip of iron, which seems almost unbreakable at times! When I sometimes look at the faces of my older and younger brothers, I feel that painful tug at my heart; knowing that each one of them is struggling to make their realities a reflection of their dreams! When I look at us now, I can see how far away we are from where we used to stand yesterday; once upon a time, when even the laughter had a different ring to it!

We used to build sand castles and feel so triumphant merely at being able to protect it from a persistently and incessant wave, whose only wish was to destroy our so called indestructible little castles! But where are we from all that optimism now? Why cannot we pursue ‘the dream’ with a little more stamina and stubbornness? Why do we stumble and fall way more than we did when we were little children?   

Whatever has become of me?
Whatever has become of them??

Whatever has become of us???

Hawaiian Birthday

Last night I was invited to my cousin’s birthday, whose theme she chose to be Hawaiian! We had to dress in Hawaiian costumes or anything resembling the theme itself, for which reason I wore a colorful gown with quite a nice and unfamiliar style overall. I left my hair falling on my shoulders in a natural and at the same time beautifully chaotic way. It looked as natural and carefree as I wanted it to be! I also wore matching make-up, which I did myself; I love to do my own make up.  Anyways, what really matters here is the decoration for the party! It was amazing and way beyond I expected! I mean, I knew in advance that my artist cousin will definitely make it look as close as possible to a true Hawaiian atmosphere and environment, but never had I expected her to pull it off like she did. For the record, she is studying interior design and is considered to be a true artist by almost everybody; amongst whom are her teachers. She took part in a number of fashion shows, at which she excelled and has proven to be a person with a true talent.

So, here we go…

   

She had this drawing placed at the top of the stairs, where we stopped before entering the big sitting room at which the party took place. She drew it herself, and I found it amazing! I truly loved it and I spent long moments admiring it! Great work sweet Fatooma.

Then….. We had to take our pick from the finishing Hawaiian accessories for our colorful outfits! She made them herself, again.

You cannot see the necklace I chose because I was wearing it while taking the photo! When we were done sorting our looks and putting the final touches on our dazzling dresses,,

We did this… Below!! 

She arranged these beach-like luxuries for her guests! The girls took plenty of photos on that rug, under the shade of that colorful umbrella. I think they did feel as though they were on the beach in Hawaii:P

After having all sorts of fun pretending to savor the Hawaiian paradise….

  

 We had the beverages corner all to ourselves! As you can see, she decorated it in a Hawaiian way, and filled it with the kind of snacks we needed! Fruits… oh,, and Juice of course!

  

I drank plenty of that fruit juice! Was so refreshing!

That was also yummy.. Ahem!!  

At last, came the yummy food! Oh my, the dishes were mouth watering indeed! All prepared by my beloved aunt! Hugs!!







There was Spinach & Chicken Béchamel macaroni, noodles, chicken and cheese sandwiches, garlic bread, mashed potatoes with chicken, cream and cheese, stuffed grape leaves, Kushari (Egyptian dish), thyme bread, pastries and other dishes! We had our taste buds treated and pampered to the fullest!!

Last but not least, the cake!!

The cake was unbelievable!! I won’t say a lot, because you have the picture to make you drool!!

I truly commend my cousin for the amazing and crazy and enjoyable party she threw! I had the time of my life, along with everybody else! We sang and laughed like crazy, and danced to the beats of Shakira’s Waka Waka song! I had to be taught the moves though! Crazy I know!!

Wow…
That was one hell of a wonderful and memorable birthday part, which I will always recall with a smile of enjoyment on my lips!

Thank you Fatooma!!

You are wonderful and you deserve all the best…
You will be Bahrain’s number one artist and interior designer god’s will!

Hugs..

I love you so much:))

Missing You

This is especially dedicated to my beloved father, whom I miss terribly! He is currently in Geneva on a business trip, and though it has only been like three days since he left, I feel as though it has been forever since I last saw his dear face.

I know that, by now, I should have gotten used to him being away more frequently because of his job, but every time he is away, it feels anew to me, and the emptiness his absence leaves inside of me is something I can never get used to. Being an only daughter amongst three boys, I know I am kinda spoiled, and I know that my father treats me more like a princess, but that is not the reason I love him this much, and miss him this much, and need him this much!

Well, I know that we are all supposed to love our fathers and look up to them and cherish their existence in our lives and thank God every day for the blessing of having them at our side, and I love my father for all that, but I also consider him special in his own way, and unique in ways I simply can never perceive as 'Ordinary'. You know, the one thing I wish for so bad is finding a man as special, extraordinary, amazing, loving and wonderful as my father.

Now that he is away, I miss his daily morning call, which has come to be an essential part of my day to day life. Every morning, he calls me when I am on my way to work, and this call truly makes my day, every single time, for I arrive at work more refreshed and a much happier person. And when I am facing a hardship, I just cannot think of anyone capable of lifting the burden off my shoulder but my father, whom I simply cannot see myself without.

I miss his smile,
his embrace,
his voice,
his wisdom,
his loving touch, and everything else I could think of and relate to him, and only him.

My father is my strength, he is my smile, and the centre of my universe. If there is one thing that could totally and completely blow my whole world and bring my downfall, it is thinking of me and my life without him!

Dear dad, I miss you so very much and this is to let you know that there is nothing I want more than to see your beloved face very soon!

May Allah grant you health and happiness and a long life, full of love and peace and content. You are the greatest father and the best gift a daughter could ever ask for.

Yesterday

I know I have been lazy lately, and that I haven’t been posting much! It is inexcusable I know, but it has been a strange week, or rather a strange time for me altogether. I have not been reading much, or writing, or doing anything at all, and the whole thing seems as if I am standing at a certain spot staring in awe at my other active self; not knowing if I could go over there and be all ‘that’ once again. Strange eh?

When I woke up today, I got out of bed slowly and drew the curtain; letting the sun pour into my room and wash over me; bringing me into full consciousness and seeping into my brain to refresh all the dead cells and put me back on active mood again! I walked to my bathroom like a robot, washed my face, brushed my teeth, changed my clothes and switched on my PC; I do that all the time by the way, switching on my PC that is!

While waiting for it to get started, I looked out my window; at the neighborhood I have known since I was 9 years old, the neighborhood I grew up in and had all sorts of fun in. It was different when we first moved here 20 years ago; back then our house was the very first in the vicinity, but later more people started to build their houses and move in here. I looked at the street across from our house; the street that had witnesses my falls when I was trying to learn how to ride the bicycle. When I finally did learn how to do that, I spent most of my time roaming the neighborhood with my elder and younger brothers. Those times will always be unforgettable to me and to them. The three of us were full of life and adventurous to an extent that nothing could stop us from having fun; really having fun. We did all sorts of crazy things; I could go on and on about that you know;P

Now that I stood there taking in a view I am more than familiar with, I felt like an alien to all that surrounds me. I felt strange and a stranger as well. The neighborhood looked dreary to my eyes, devoid of life and devoid of all the fun I knew back then. I spent more than 10 minutes just looking outside my window, thinking about all that has happened from that moment; 20 years ago, until this very moment. I realized that so many things have changed, altering everything during its course of transformation into something I no longer recognize. In the blink of an eye, it dawned on me that life around me has changed, and not me as a person, and that all the while I was trying strenuously to come to terms with this change in people, in life, in habits, in beliefs, and almost in every other area. I was feeling a stranger to my own self because I could not accept that life is nothing like it used to be.

The streets, the neighborhood, the houses, and everything else I saw at my moment of reverie might have been be the same from the outside, but they have somehow lost their glow of life! They looked dead to my eyes because they have lost their interest in life along the way; they no longer fill me with that unique sense of joy, all they do now is fill me with nostalgia!

It felt scary to stand there looking at the things that were supposed to make me feel ‘Home sweet Home’, and not know anything about them other than the fact that they felt new to me! I closed my eyes wanting so bad to shake that feeling off  and regain my peace of mind and heart, but the feeling would not go; it kept coming back to me every time I stared out the window and watched the wind play with the trees in our garden. There used to be that huge and ancient hibiscus tree just outside my window; it used to make me smile and feel like a little girl every time I looked at it, it is not here anymore, it died like so many other things, and when I look for it all I see is this vast emptiness, nothingness.

My late grandmother used to have lunch with us every Friday, and after lunch we would always have tea in the living room, where she would sit peacefully and look out the large window overlooking our garden. She looked so happy and content those distant days; as though she wanted nothing more than be there with us and enjoy the feeling of being happy. She died 4 years ago.

When I looked outside my window today, I remembered her, I remembered her peaceful smile. Something about the weather and the sun and the houses and my room made me remember her. I miss her, and I always feel like she never did leave us! She is my link to happier days and happier moments. 

Today, I just feel like getting back my beautiful Yesterday!!  

To Mom and Dad..

Today is a very special day to me, and I am sure it feels the same to so many daughters out there, besides me. As positive as I am that my post will not be original in its content, as many have already written about the occasion and others will certainly follow, I still want to seize the opportunity to celebrate this happy day and scream 'Happy Mother's Day' to my mom, and to every mother, or mother-to-be;P

I cannot say how much my mother means to me, because anything I could say would definitely not do her justice. It feels a bit awkward for me to try and summon the right words to express how grateful I am for being blessed with  a mother as great and loving and gracious as my mom. I don't have sisters, but she is more than a sister to me. I treat her as a friend, and I can tell her whatever I want without a moment of  hesitation. She is so kind and understanding that I sometimes hate myself for making her sad, if only for a second!

I love you so much mom, and I want you to know that my life means nothing without you! You make me a better person, and your beautiful smile only can light up my world. If I ever did anything to upset you in any way, I am so sorry!

May Allah bless you and grant you happiness and health and that unique smile of yours that means the world to me and my brothers.

Though most people consider this Mother's Day only, I always think of it as Family's Day. My brothers and I always celebrate it with both mom and dad. We buy gifts for the both of them. As much as a mother is loved and appreciated, a father should be appreciated and cherished just as much.

If it weren't for my father, I would not have become the person I am today. He is my example in life, and I take after him in so many ways that I sometimes just cannot contain the pride and sense of triumph such knowledge fills me with. I have learned a lot from him, and there are yet endless lessons to be learned along the way.

I love you dad.

Mom,, dad
You are the best gift one could ever get.
And I am totally blessed and loved for having you.

Happy Family's Day