April 05, 2011

That much I want


In life, it is only acceptable and understandable that we'd take certain things/blessings for granted; as though it is the most natural thing that we should have what we have got. Some of us, or rather most of us, don't usually think of what we have in hand or appreciate it more until it is gone and no longer exists in our lives;  when it did exist moments ago, or a lifetime ago! I guess this is just human nature; it is the way things happen, the way people think and behave, not generalizing though.

I have been thinking about that a lot recently; given an annoyingly persistent emotional dilemma. However, there's always a trigger to certain thoughts and feelings; small incidents that could unleash mental and emotional chaos, loosening tight ends and messing with one's head. It is unstoppable, uncontrollable, and maddening at times.

Never have I longed to hold a baby in my arms as much as I do these days. It is like my heart has ceased to crave anything but the blessing of motherhood. I close my eyes and I see myself the mom I have always wanted to be. I close my eyes and I see a beautiful infant held close to my heart, where I can feel his little heart fluttering close to mine; telling me over and over again that he's the most precious piece of my being. I don't seem to be able to shake this feeling off anymore; as though it has become the spell I cannot escape. It tugs at my heartstrings whenever I see a pregnant lady or a mother with her kid. Do I sound maudlin?!

There's this inescapable need to love, and be loved. To become a wife and a mother, and have the life I have pictured in my head for countless times. As a teenager, it started as a fantasy; a girl's dream. But as a mature lady today; full of expectations and needs and hopes that I won't bear to have crushed, I want every bit of that long awaited dream to become the reality I long to embrace and be thankful for and enjoy to the fullest.

I want to experience all the insane things I hear about marriage, and at the same time bask in its beauty and savor its sane and memorable moments. I want to go through its ups and downs with the man I am destined for; if he is somewhere out there reading this. I want to be driven crazy with love at times, and with frustration at other times. I want to laugh, cry, smile, and sulk and do whatever else that comes with the package!

That much I want... That much I need... That much I dream of..!

8 comments:

White Freedom said...

my dear Miss Dreamer lot's of us want what you want , i also want to be a mom , baby smile for me , kiss his head and his small hands.
lots of us want this , i will not say all of us.

but i believe there will be a day for that, i believe what Allah will give us.even if i didn't become a mother i will not be sad because it's our destiny , we can't object , it's true we will be sad ,however not all of us have the perfect life :)
i wish your dream come true soon my friend , foe my heart i pray for you.

Hijabis On Ranting Tour. said...

hey sis , what a beautifully written post as per usual,i love reading your blog because of your honesty and the way in which you seem to have with words, everything you described above which you yearn for is not limited to you but something most if not all women in the world desire to have and it is a natural thing to want, im not a mother but im a newly wed and i love it so i hope that Inshallah Allah brings to you the man special enough to hold a place in your heart and be the man who is right for you and only you, the one and only Mr Dreamer ;), Inshallah have faith and you will find him.

salaamz
love
naz

Miss Dreamer said...

White Freedom,

I do believe in that too. I know anything will happen only when Allah decides it should. I just pray it would happen to me soon. Hope we all have our dreams come true soon dear.

Naz,

Thank you for the lovely comment.
And yes, once my man enters my life, I would call him the right Mr. Dreamer for the right Miss Dreamer;p

Standy said...

allah yewafaqik and sends your way eli fi khair 7alik..

we all want and god only knows what is best for us =)

Miss Dreamer said...

Hey Standy,

Missed your comments:)
Yes sis I agree with you. Alhamdilla ala kol 7al. Inshallah whatever is best for me will happen, god's will.

andrea said...

Hello I'm from Spain.
I have a new blog and I would like to see him.
The blog have English translator and other languages too.
This is it: http://a-beautiful-and-happy-world.blogspot.com/

Thanks

Miss Dreamer said...

Hey Andrea,

Welcome to my blog.
Yeah sure will have a look:)

Bluetiful Nostalgia said...

sweetie!! this is normal and I guess all of us women out there know exactly how you feel. And it's healthy to have all those feelings but don't linger on them so much... keep your life soaring smoothly... Your destiny awaits you! when? where? who? how? in Allah's hands.

I won't tell you: wait for it! NOPE! cause waiting won't do you good... just leave it and believe me, you will have what you want and more! Keep up your faith in Allah :**

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