No Face.. Happy Birthday!

Well, it is "No Face"..

Again..

After a long absence and plenty of waiting from so many people!!

Here goes, another letter, the second actually..

However, just a small note, the letters I will publish here will be of my choice,,

that is: I might skip some and choose particular ones, but all of them would start from the oldest to the newest-most recent- in terms of time (dates)!

Today's letter is dated 12, April, 2008

And just so you know, it is right the second one I wrote after that first one;)

Enjoy!!

12, April, 2008

00:00

Dear No face,,

It's my birthday today!! I've turned 26, and it feels so unlikely overwhelming!!
I cannot say why it does, but to me it feels different from my previous birthdays!!

At the moment, I'm lying on my bed writing this letter to you and wondering how this birthday would turn out if you were a real person, with a face! How you would react to it or what you could come up with to celebrate my day and turn it into a very special occasion!

If you were real, you'd definitely be a romantic person, a very romantic person so to speak! Don't ask me why I'm even assuming this, it is just a gut feeling I have about you my sweet;P

Well, birthdays are supposed to be happy and exuberant occasions, but as you grow up they start to take a totally different turn. I'm not saying that because I'm obsessed with age or getting older; not at all! I'm not the least reluctant to declare to you that I have turned 26! Actually, I'm happy to announce that; 26 for me is the peak of femininity and maturity.

For me, every additional year is an enhancement to my wisdom and my sense of knowledge and awareness of my surroundings and people and all. Yet, those distant birthdays of my childhood years were different; they tasted different!

Back then, birthdays merely implied a big party, friends and family gathering and lots of presents. I guess back then we were completely oblivious to the underlying spiritual and psychological concept of 'Birthdays'. Nothing truly mattered to us except having fun and opening the gifts zealously at once!

Of course there's nothing wrong with that, it's normal, accepted and expected! It is just that today I feel different, the 'birthday' thing feels different. Besides my spontaneous thrill at my birthday, there's the feeling of anxiety and wonder. I cannot deny that I look and feel pensive today, but it's beyond me really. I know you must be feeling puzzled by my reaction, you might even be asking yourself questions now, right?

The thing is, as you enter your twenties it's like you begin to wake up from your stance and shake off that cocoon of past ignorance and nonchalance! You unconsciously start to want more of life and you become more demanding when it comes to your expectations regarding the future! At a certain point in time, you sort of become restless, kinda undecided and needy! The future all of a sudden turns into something scary; in the sense that it troubles you to try and digest the thought of not knowing who you'd become in this vast universe! I'm talking big here, aren't I??

I don't know whether you understand what I'm talking about or not, but I'm full of questions today, full of fears and expectations! Today, I have moved a step closer to my unknown destiny, towards tomorrow, which I cannot but pursue with huge and endless dreams and ambitions tucked safely deep within!

Now that I'm literally a day older than yesterday, I'm planning to simply dream big! Isn't that what wise people in life advice us to do; to dream big? Well, I'll do even better than that; I'll dream bigger!!

So, for now: Happy Birthday to me;)


Love,
Zainab

Lost...

I close a door,,

driving away a tentative stray of light!

I ponder a thought,,

or two..

A tear falls down my cheek,,

ever so slow!!

The night is long,,

the room is cold!!

"He" is dead,,

you know..

Or so I've been told!!

I close "The door",,

a shiver comes by!!

In awe I wait..

For a breath,,

a smile,,

or a sigh of pure delight!!

No one comes..

No one hears..

Only I remain,,

Only I,,

and some thick white frost!!

It is the fog!!

It is my face,,

And all is lost!!

No Face: The first letter..

Remember NO Face?
My imaginary knight on paper?
Today, as promised, you will read my first letter to 'HIM'..
The very first letter..
Which I wrote in April, 1, 2008
Every now and then I will post one of those letters..
 
SO..
With my knight,,
With my love,,
I leave you...

1 April 2008

12:30 am

Dearest No face,

Here I am writing my first letter to you, and it feels damn awkward to do so! I have to admit that I am in a loss for the proper words to use here, but I am not supposed to feel so because our little game here makes it imperatively necessary that you understand me! You are supposed to be ‘THE ONE’, which explains it all! It is true that neither of us knows the other in reality, but let us forget about reality and go for the sweet fantasy. Let’s pretend that we know each other very well; more like soul mates, in which case understanding each

other will be a natural thing for both of us.

I know if you were real, things might turn out differently! But let me ask you this: do not people write diaries as though they were addressing a human, not some inanimate object that cannot do them any good except comfort them of course! Still, this remains a very healthy method of release! Therefore, I thought I would create my own from of diaries, with you as my refuge and my sanctuary!

So, how do we start? I believe people usually start their letters to each other by a greeting! Therefore, here is a big hello to you my sweet; it is great knowing you are here by my side, if only in a sheer fantasy! The funny thing is I feel like I do know you, and by that I mean truly know you! You know, sometimes when I close my eyes at night, I see you in my mind’s eye, and believe me though without a tangible identity do I see you, it gives me pleasure & peace just to live the feeling of having the idea of you in my little world, in my dreams, and my day to day activities!

Sometimes when I sleep, I dream of you! I always see you standing tall, smiling for me and guarding my every step! I know it sounds crazy, but it does happen and I never want to wake up! Now hear this out, never did you have a face in any of those dreams; it is always a bright spot of light covering your facial features making it impossible for me to complete the image I have for you in my mind! Thus, I have named you “No face”! And don’t worry, not knowing how you’d look like won’t stop me from writing to you, because my heart will lead me to the true you one day, that much I know and that much I believe! You should believe in that too my love, in your heart of hearts you just have to know me, you have to find me! And when you do, I would expect you to read this letter to me aloud;)

I am filling you with surprise, aren’t I?! Well don’t be! Even if the whole idea of me writing to you feels incomprehensible to you, just let it be, and let me be.

I guess I am running out of words here, and it is probably too much for you to take in all at once. So, until my next letter, just remember this: 

To the dream I write,

To a heart wide awake,

To a vision that keeps

Haunting me..

To my blindness

When I lose the way!

Love you,
Zainab