March 14, 2010

Don't say a word..!

We all have secrets, and we all have issues that we'd rather keep to ourselves and never let anyone on in. We probably do this because we prefer to have some privacy, but sometimes we do it because we choose to not reveal some things in fear of appearing fragile and breakable before the eyes of the people surrounding us!

You are definitely wondering about my secret at the moment.
And, you are most probably asking yourself about this thing I am attempting to reveal here.

Don't try too hard, for I am here to unravel the mystery myself!!

When I open my blog to post something new, I always feel like coming home, like I have been lost in the middle of nowhere and finally found my way to the one place that truly comforts me, the place that makes me feel at peace with myself and the whole world.

When I blog, I am free of any and every fear that might prevent me from talking to you freely. When I touch the keyboard, I don't think twice before letting my words fly high to reach you; every single one of you out there. My blog is my haven.. It is my refuge.. It is my little paradise.. It is where I am totally and completely free; free to speak.. Free to scream.. Free to cry.. And laugh.. Free to present you with the chance to see through me, to know me, to understand the real me.

I am not here today to talk about my love for my blog; I think you all know that by now;P
I am here to set me free.. To say the thing that I have been dreading to say out loud because I did not want people to think of me as a complainer, or see me as someone who does not accept what has been destined for her by Allah; that is not having a sister.

Here goes, the secret is out; I am sad because I do not have a sister!! Do not say a word, though;D 

I know I am not the only one who does not have a sister, and I swear I thank Allah every minute for blessing me with friends who are closer to me than anybody, and whom I cannot see life without because they are an essential part of me, without whom I know I cannot survive.

It is just that sometimes loneliness closes in on me, suffocates me beyond reason.. Beyond comprehension; making me blind with a strange kind of grief, one that does not give me the chance to breathe properly because it sucks all the air out of my little world.

Last night, while lying on bed trying so hard to lull myself to sleep with pleasant thoughts, I found myself wishing so bad I had a sister, with whom I could babble till late at night, and go crazy with like sisters normally do, without once stopping to think whether or not  she'd understand me at all times.

I could not stop myself from imagining what it'd feel like to have that sister stay with me in the same room, with her bed right next to mine, when on the weekends we would get ready for sleep, but would end up talking and talking and talking about all the silly and non-silly things in the world until time ceases to exist for us, or until one of us falls asleep mid sentence! Now how beautiful do you think that image is??

When I have such thoughts, I feel so lonely, and so bereft that I could hardly hold the tears back. At such moments, all I wish for is the ability to block the tantalizing 'I wish for this' and 'I wish for that' and stop myself from turning into a bitter version of myself. When loneliness chooses to pay me a visit, I pray for peace of mind and heart to conquer it and put the smile-My smile- back on my face.

Truth is I sometimes cannot help but fall victim to such negative thoughts and sentiments, but I am still thankful for all the happy and wonderful and extraordinary moments I got and still get to live with all my friends/sisters out there. You know yourselves and you know how much I love you and Will always do. I will never stop being there for you all whenever you need me.

 
To all of you who happen to read this, and who have real sisters, keep them safe all the time. Show them how much you love them and treasure every moment you spend with them. Don’t ever underestimate the value of your sister; a sister is a treasure that only those who are deprived of know what it is like not to have. 

Love your sisters..
Treasure them..

7 comments:

Texan in UAE said...

You know that feeling when you never met the person and you just click? I have that feeling with you. You are my sister. Even though I have 2 beautiful sisters, masha'a'Allah. They're nine and ten years older than me. I actually was like the only child at home. They left and married when they were very young. So, it left me and my best friend, Jessica and Margie. Their my sisters. The bond is there. You don't have to have a blood sister to be close. At times I felt and feel a lot closer to my best friends than my sisters. Not that I don't love them, but we have to much in common, being we are Muslims. I hope you get what i say.

You know how to make a sis cry. You write beautiful and you are awesome! my lil sister!!! our bond will always be very tight! I love you for the sake of God! and him only. That's the best way to love someone. Isn't it? Someday I wish to meet you and embrace you. Maybe just maybe we can have some silly times together and laugh and cry together. I have faith. So, when are you coming to UAE? I'm waiting.

Love,
Your sister
Texan

P.S. keep your posts coming. I'm so in love with your writing. Your awesome! masha'a'Allah.

Miss Dreamer said...

Texan,

This click thing you are talking about, I swear to God it has happened to me with you! I am not saying this just because you said it about me, it is the truth my sweet friend and sister, and I am happy to say it to you and announce it here.

I know that some friendships are much stronger even than sisterhood. I have this strong unbreakable bond with some of my closest and most dear friends, whom I truly think of as sisters. I am blessed and lucky and I do acknowledge this all the time. It is just that sometimes, at moments of inexplicable loneliness, you feel like you need someone to be instantly at your side.

Didn't intend to make you cry sweetheart. I am sorry for that. Yet, you make me happy because you see me as a good writer. Our bond will indeed be tight and sisterly all the time. One day we will meet, Insha'allah habebti. I will embrace you back and we will hopefully have silly and crazy moments together, like real sisters.

You are a wonderful person Texan. A true angel and I cherish our friendship and sisterhood.

Love you too:)

Texan in UAE said...

((((giant hugs)))))) i love you dear!

Twizzle said...

awww sis, I cannot say I know how you feel because I do have sisters... But now we live thousands of miles apart.

so it is in sisterhood that I find closeness. And Texan in UAE is one of my best friends Mashallah Alhamdulillah :)

Miss Dreamer said...

Twizzle,

I am so happy for both you and Texan because both of you are amazing:)

Thanks sweet sis

Bluetiful Nostalgia said...

I love you so ever much.
You know what you are to me, eh??

-BEAR HUG-

:)

oh uh!!! One day to go... hehehe

Miss Dreamer said...

And you are the world to me Bluetiful:)

Love you

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