The other day, one of my cyber friends asked me to tell her more about myself; we were trying to learn more about each other. For a few moments, I just sat there staring at the screen and thinking of what I was going to say next. I could feel my fingers going still on the keyboard in the middle of my short lived stance. I mean, it is fairly difficult to describe yourself to people, to talk about yourself from your own angle and perspective. I did feel at a loss of words at that instant, and for the first time in a while I asked myself that one question: Who am I?
By this question I don't mean to question my personality or aim for an attempt to know myself more, or dig deeper into my soul to discover things I might not know about myself, for at the end of the day nobody knows you better than yourself! What I am trying to say here is that it felt awkward for me to search for the right words to portray myself as I should do, and make the whole picture clear and readable enough for those who do not know me in person, the people who might, at this very moment, be reading my words and wondering about the lady behind the screen; the lady who calls herself Miss Dreamer.
Well, for a start I see myself as a dreamer; a big dreamer so to speak. I enjoy day dreaming to the extent that I can close my eyes and see the future life that I would like to lead in a matter of minutes. When I dream, I dream big. When I drift away with my mind and my imagination, I can always come up with stories that I long to star in and turn into a vivid reality one day. I am not saying that reality ceases to exist for me, because if it weren't for my urge to use my mind a lot and analyze almost everything before putting it into action, I would not have managed to survive the cruelty of today's world, what with the marshmallow like heart I happen to have! What I am saying here is that I am so emotional that I sometimes wish for my heart to never feel things the way it does; it is constantly making me wish for and crave things that are said to only exist in fairytales.
It is very easy to make me happy, to make me smile, and at the same time the littlest things can turn my whole world into ashes and make me cry! Sometimes I wonder if it is a bad thing to be so emotional, so easily moved, so easily touched from the inside. Well to some people it might be, but I believe one better be passionate and sensitive than callous and unfeeling!
I do not know what else I could say about myself, because it is indeed proving difficult to elaborate more about me, about who I am! However, I cannot help but see what I want and dream about in my mind's eye. I can see myself bumping into my destiny; the man behind the mask, No Face, my knight in shining armor. I can see myself holding hands with him, loving him, needing him; the one I am still waiting for to paint my dreams with the colors of the rainbow. I can see myself becoming a mother to a cute little baby, cuddling it, holding it close to my heart, feeling its heartbeat in the very depth of my soul, laughing, and giggling, and going crazy with the kind of happiness that only such a future could bring. On top of all that, I see myself becoming a universal author; the author I have longed to become, for longer than I can even remember.
Who am I??
I am simply a lady who has dreams, and also fears.
Who am I??
I sure am not perfect, for nobody ever is, but I like who I am, and am proud to say so.
P.S: This post is especially dedicated to my friend Texan. You inspired me to write this post. Thank you dear:)