March 28, 2010

To be OR not to be!

I have just finished watching the amazing and inspiring movie “Julie & Julia”, which  I have been meaning to watch since forever, but every time I decided to do so, something got in the way, or some laziness on my part; for the sake of honesty. When I did finish it, less than a half hour ago, I had tears in my eyes, and my heart was thumping so hard I thought I was on the verge of having a heart attack or something. Strange enough, eh?

Well here is the truth about why it has made me feel this way. Throughout the movie, I felt like a message was being delivered to me, like someone was telling me to see what I have to see, and understand what I should understand and believe in. I could see myself in Julie herself, I felt as though the story reflected me, and this one dream that has been chasing me; or me chasing it, almost all my life.

Before watching the movie, my eldest brother; done watching it, told me that I had to see it as soon as possible. I remember what he said to me back then, he said:

‘Julie & Julia is made for you! If you do not watch it at the earliest, then you are the stupidest person ever!’.

At the time, I was puzzled as to why he was that much enthusiastic about it. I asked him why he thought  I should see it, and he replied that it was just the thing to get me going and make me realize that I was meant to be another Julie! Now I know why he had that conviction and vision.

Let me tell you this, every minute throughout the movie, I saw myself in Julie’s shoes. I imagined it was my blog being popular and widely read and loved. In my head, I saw the moment where I would finally get my moment; “The Moment'” I have been seeing and living over and over again in my mind and heart. I saw myself being discovered, and acknowledged and appraised. I swear I am not being vain or ostentatious here; gloating about being masterly in writing. I am merely acknowledging something I know I have. Isn’t it always good to recognize what you believe you possess; what you see as a talent and a skill in yourself? Isn’t this the first right step towards real success?

 

You remember the days when we were still kids; fond of talking and babbling and giving life to life itself simply by having all sorts of dreams, thought to be silly at times? I remember how I kept telling my parents that I would grow up to be a writer! As funny as it seems now, I still go back to the things I wrote back then. My dad keeps a file for each one of us; my brothers and myself, where he kept all the documents and papers concerning us; certificates, cards, scribbles and all. You might laugh at this, but my file has the biggest share of scribbles! There are songs, letters to my parents, short stories and similar writings. When I had a disagreement with either mom or dad, I always ended up writing a letter of apology or one of anger; always checking how much they would endure my tantrums! Okay so I was spoiled; being an only daughter;D

My father once told me that I would indeed grow up to be a writer. That belief somehow grew bigger and has become the only thing I could think of making a reality one day. Believe me, back at school, I would enjoy nothing as much as I enjoyed writing. Even my teachers teased me about my unwillingness and reluctance to let go of the pen whenever I was given the chance to express myself, to speak my mind about any subject or issue. I was good at it, and I would always get an excellent mark that reflected my passion for writing.

So, time went by ever so quickly, and I ended up studying English Literature with a minor in translation at the University. I chose it because I loved it. It has given me all the guidance I needed to become more skilled in what I love; writing. It has intensified and solidified my faith in myself as a good writer, a person who is capable enough of using words to deliver a message, to communicate with people effectively and make a difference in their lives, no matter how insignificant that effect might be. However, the more I write, the more I realize that this is not enough, it is not where I want to stop, but only the beginning of a journey I am willing to take.

“Julie & Julia” was not the trigger to this desire, it was merely a reminder that I should work harder to pursue my dream; the dream of becoming a true writer! To put it right, it was all the inspiration I needed to keep myself going, to finish something I have started but lost the courage and determination to finish, somewhere along the way.

Sometimes, I cannot help but wonder about me, about this dream I have, about the future I so much want for myself, and the life I wish to lead. There is always this moment when I would ask myself this:

How readable do others think my writings are?
To which extent can I keep people hooked to my words?
Do they see me as a gifted writer?
Do they look forward to reading more of what I have to say?
Are they enthusiastic enough about me, and what I write?? 

The questions would of course go on and on, until I give up thinking, or give in to my fear of pursuing the dream. Sometimes I stumble and fall, and other times I just find myself gathering all the courage in the world and plan for the days to come; the brighter days, the days  that would pave the way for a brilliant future, one of glory and achievement.

As I stand at this crossroads today; asking myself the famous question; Hamlet’s question: To be or not to Be, I find my heart and my mind screaming at me To Be! I think we are all meant to be certain things in life, and to become the people we choose to become, it is just that our choices are what make all the difference, and distinguish one person from another.

For me, I don’t have the slightest shred of doubt as to what I want to become in life. It is just that sometimes I am blinded by this inexplicable and unbearable fear of taking one additional step forward. Sometimes I am once again that little girl with the pony tail; always fearful of falling and never having the strength to stand up again!

To be or NOT to be; that is always the question!

12 comments:

Twizzle said...

MashaAllah MashaAllah wonderful post!!!

I LOVE how you write and yes, you write really really well MashaAllah :)

All of those questions you asked, are met with the answer yes from me and I know everyone else will answer the same inshallah :)

I love how your father has kept a file for your and your siblings, that is really neat he did that MashaAllah :)

I haven't seen the movie yet... but I love how your brother encouraged you with his words:

"Julie & Julia is made for you! If you do not watch it at the earliest, then you are the stupidest person ever!"

he he he only a person REALLY close could get away with what he said at the end LOL

but look, that was his way of passionately telling you that you must watch it. how sweet of him MashaAllah :)

You are strong enough to pursue your dreams sister, so take the leap inshallah :)

Wafa' said...

well , dreamer, you had it all and it's not wrong known and talk about what you have and good at. and let's be honest, you are great at writing, you have the vision thing which is so important, so don't stop. but don't limit yourself to one thing only and one place. Keep going after your dreams every single time and in every sinlge place. you deserve it :)

Texan in UAE said...

Can I be your muse? Just what Twizzle said, time to take the leap. You are a fabulous writer. Masha'a'Allah. I can sit here and just read and read your stuff and all the time I am reading, I am smiling or shaking my head to agree or disagree with the same stuff you agree or disagree on.

You mother and father has raised a strong, independent good natured woman. You are their reflection. A good one.

I used to write to my parents too. I just don't see myself as a writer. I just see myself as a woman who wants my therapy in jotting stuff down. The writer in our family is, my daughter. You can clearly see the difference in our writing skills. LOL

You are awesome. I came earlier to read your entry and my son was being really naughty. So, I did dishes and prayed and then came to sit down to read your entry. I need silence when I am reading my special friends blogs. That I had. Alhamdulilah.

You go girl! you have it in you and are taking the right steps towards a wonderful future. Go for it. Or else you will wonder all your life. Life is to short.

To be!!!!!

Miss Dreamer said...

Twizzle,

Thank you sweetie. You have made my day with your amazingly encouraging words:)
And yeah it is so smart of my father to have kept a record of our memories;D I love that accuracy about him. As for my brother, he is a sweetheart, and you are right; I know that his choice of words was only for making me take the leap! I love him so much.

(((Hugs sweetie)))

Wafa'

Thanks sweetie. I appreciate your support; it means a lot to me. You are all a source of inspiration to me. I agree with you about the vision, it is all that matters and what usually truly initiates a good piece of writing.

(((Hugs)))

Texan,

Of course you can be my muse;P
It is indeed time to take the leap! I love how you make me feel sister; every time you comment on anything I write. I see you as a very smart and impressive writer; you express yourself wonderfully. As for sweet Amber, I love the way she writes; I can aniticipate a bright future for her in writing, Masha'Allah. Allah bless her with a splendid future.

I indeed do not want to spend my life wondering about what would have come of me if I had taken the right steps to pursue my dream! I shall make this come true, I promise. There is something-a project- I am working on at the moment, which I would reveal soon; one day LOL. I am just waiting for it to be completed. Pray for me sis.

(((Hugs)))

Texan in UAE said...

((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) you're a sweetheart! honey bunches of O's. LOL

I can't wait until you reveal, that something. You are always in my prayers. Love,hugs and kisses.

Faith said...

Awhhhh how sweet of your brother and father, the guys know a talent when they see it :)
Sweetheart yes just go there and be! You have it all what’s stopping you? Have you thought of taking online courses in freelance writing or journalism? This should open new doors for you and prepare you for that kind of jobs if you want to?
Yalla update us cuz we’re waiting to see what steps you're taking for it to come true.
Inshallal you have it all yaa raab :*

Miss Dreamer said...

A million hug back for you sweet Texan. Oh I will tell you of course. Sooner than you think;D

Faith,

I have not thought of freelance writing or journalism before, but it sounds like a wise idea! I am getting interested!

Thank you sweetheart for all this encouragement. You are an angel.

Hugs

Susu said...

Dreamer,

I recently started reading your posts, and mashallah you're great writer, no doubt about it.

I watched the movie couple of months ago, and I loved it. It's so inspiring.

I think you have the talent, so keep on writing. We all will be happy to read for you.

Love

Hijabis On Ranting Tour. said...

Absolutely beautiful blog, ya Ukhti, managed to go through some of your posts, i loved it all so much wow, looking forward to reading more,and following you
wanted to pass my Salaamz
lots of love
your sister in Islam
Naz@ Somalianarab.blogspot.com
x

Miss Dreamer said...

Susu,

Thank you dear. I am glad you like my blog and think of me as a great writer. Oh ywah the movie is so inspiring!

Naz,

Thank you sister. Insha'Allah will keep posting;)
Thank you for visiting my blog dear. Always come back.

Bluetiful Nostalgia said...

ahem ahem...
I think you know how I will comment on this post, eh?? :P

Read the book as well. More inspiring than the movie.

Babes, you ROCK!! :**

Miss Dreamer said...

Bluetiful,

LOL yes I know exactly how you will comment and I can see it in my head right at this moment LOL

Will try to read it soon sweetie.
And thank you for always supporting me and making me see things I do not see at times.

(((Hugs)))

Post a Comment