In need of prayer…

 

My Cousin's husband is very sick and in an extremely critical condition at the moment. He needs Our prayers, and believe me every single prayer any of you utters is certainly needed and appreciated.

Please pray for him..

ربى إنى مسنى الضُر و أنت أرحم الراحمين

اللهم اشفه شفاء ليس بعده سقما أبدًا

اللهم خذ بيده اللهم احرسه بعينك التى لا تنام

و اكفه بركنك الذى لا يرام

واحفظه بعزك الذى لا يُضام

و اكلأه فى الليل و فى النهار

 وارحمه بقدرتك عليه أنت ثقته ورجائه

يا كاشف الهم  يا مُفرج الكرب يا مُجيب دعوة

المُضطرين

اللهم ألبسه ثوب الصحة والعافية عاجلاً غيرآجلاً يا أرحم الراحمين

اللهم اشفه اللهم اشفه اللهم اشفه

اللهم آمين

Falling in love with blogging

  

When I first established my blog, I did not know that I was a blog person; I did it because I was encouraged to do so by so many people around me, who obviously knew at the time that  I could and would be able to succeed in making my blog a readable one. I am not showing off or being vain here, I am merely saying that I am thankful that I have entered the exciting world of blogging.

I remember how uncertain and scared I was at the beginning; I did not know whether or not I could make myself interesting enough as a blogger, and I did not know if I would be able to paint my posts with the colors I loved, and portray them the way I wanted. For me, the quality of my writing was more important than anything else; I wanted to have that touch and skill by which I could engage people who took the time to visit the blog, and I most certainly wanted to be capable of weaving magic with my words. Does that sound strange? I sure hope not! I did not know until I created the blog and started writing in it frequently that it would become an essential part of my life, I did not expect to fall in love with blogging the way I did, and still do.

I know that I do not write as much as I want to, but I still enjoy the thrill that overwhelms me every time I post something new. The pleasure and gratitude that washes over me every single time I find a new comment on any of my posts is beyond description, and the discovery that an additional fan has joined my blog and decided to be a follower makes me want to jump up and down from excitement. Now don’t laugh at this;P

There is not really a criteria that I stick to whenever I decide to post something new; I just do it when a new thought pops into my head, or when I feel that persistent and strong urge  and need to let something out, to express a notion or an emotion! Through blogging, I have found a way to speak to people, and have them speak back to me. Through blogging, I discovered a heavenly refuge that nothing can replace. It is very strange how easily and naturally words flow when I sit on my chair and face the screen to write anything new. It is magic, and it is the one thing that truly sets me free, on a constant basis. The refreshing thing about blogging it is the way it makes me feel as though an invisible, yet a powerful, connection is formed between me and people I know, and others I do not know; all through the power of words, and expressions, and ideas. When I write, I feel as though I am completely known and familiar to every single person who reads my words, and thus reads me!

Though I would love to write and update my blog more frequently and on a much steadier pace, that does not change the fact that I enjoy writing here, whenever I get the chance to do so. It is like I am born anew every time I publish a new post and learn that it has intrigued various readers to a satisfying degree. And believe me, if I had known before that blogging would give me such pleasure, joy and content, I would have established my blog much much earlier.

So, for the love of blogging, I want to say a huge thank you to all of you who have encouraged me to create this magical little world of mine. A special thank you also goes to all of you who take the time to visit my blog and take interest in what I have to give and for providing me with more than enough motivation to keep going.

Thank you for making me enjoy this.. For making me love it and believe in it and in myself.. Thank you for making me fall in love with blogging over and over again.

My Valentine..

14 February 2010

Dearest No face,

I still find it fairly difficult to communicate with you after long intervals of absence, such as this one! I know it has been a while since I last wrote any letter to you, and as inexcusable as this might be, I find myself unable to justify it properly, to myself, let alone to you! It is strange, isn’t it? For someone to get this much attached to a phantom, an illusion, a fantasy that relates in no way to reality. Yet, I am always full of excitement whenever I grab my pen and write yet another letter to you.

There is this strangest and most powerful feeling overwhelming me at this very moment, while I am writing this to you. I cannot quite explain it, and I wonder if you would even get it, but I am happy and joyful in a way that I haven’t felt for quite sometime. Every word, every expression, and every single sentiment accompanying these words here is true in every sense, that much I want you to know, and that much I certainly want you to believe, for the fact that you are a No Face does not change the truth that I am pleased by your existence in my life, no matter how crazy or laughable this might sound to some. Every single one of us out there needs something to cling to, to believe in, to find consolation in. When I think of you, and when I write to you, I find all the consolation I need, and more importantly, I find content, and the smile that everybody wants to see drawn on their lips.

You know, until late this morning, I didn’t realize it was Valentine’s Day! It took me sometime to make the connection, and when it hit me that it was indeed February the 14th; Valentine’s Day, I was disoriented for a moment or so. I thought to myself, here comes another Valentine’s Day without your real presence in my life. This day would have turned out differently if you were for real, and I would have been a happier woman, don’t you think?

They say everything happens for a reason, and there is a perfect time for every occurrence in life. I cannot deny the fact that your absence makes me sad and fills my heart with a kind of hollowness that only you can fill, completely. However, an inexplicable intuition; stronger than anything else, keeps telling me that you are closer to me than ever, that I’ll finally get to see you, and fall in love with you, only this time for real.

I believe in Allah,, in destiny,, and I also believe in you,, in my love for you.

Happy Valentine’s Day my Sweet Valentine..

Love,
Zainab

Avatar… more than a movie!

 

I have finally seen the legendary movie “AVATAR”, the movie I have heard a lot about; from almost everybody,  the movie that has evoked the most stunning reaction worldwide! For me to say that James Cameron is an exceptionally brilliant director and writer will certainly not add to this genius’s history of outstanding creations, for he is indeed a Genius,  without me having to say that about him! And anything I would say here won’t serve this movie; Avatar, justice!

Throughout the 162 minutes movie runtime, I was literally glued to my seat, just like every other person in the cinema, and I truly felt like all of us could not and would not dare blink, for the fear of missing a second of it all! Everything about the movie was extraordinary, outstanding, spellbinding and certainly mind blowing. To feel like you are no longer in the real world, no longer on planet earth, is a feeling you won’t get in any movie other than avatar, believe me!

I was there, in Pandora, and I could feel and touch life, to the last little detail. I could no longer pay attention to the people around me, I could not even open my eyes to the fact that I was watching a movie. The hypnotic and mind blowing effect of it makes you forget where you are; it just takes you beyond time and beyond place, right to the heart of Pandora, right in the middle of the navii.

Usually, I am not short of words or expressions, but right at this moment, I find myself struggling to come up with the right words to describe my experience, watching this visually, emotionally and spiritually mesmerizing movie. I swear I did not want it to end, I just wanted it to last for as long as it could get, for it was one of the best cinematic experiences ever. There is so much about it that one cannot but surrender to its magic; to the spiritual richness it beholds.   

When I left the cinema hall, I felt like I was walking on air, like my mind and heart and soul no longer belonged to me, they were floating in Pandora, relishing a sensation so rarely found! The experience avatar puts one through does not end as the movie comes to an end, it lingers with you for longer than you would expect. The sense of amazement, and that perplexing emotional peace you get out of it seem to stay with you endlessly, forcing you to lose yourself to it completely.

“ I See You ” is what I can also say to Avatar! To the epic that has touched me so deep that I failed to hold back the tears more than once, throughout all the magic it held for me to capture.

Believe me, you do not want to miss the movie that truly has a soul of its own! The movie that is more than just a movie, and so much more than an epic.

Heartbroken…

It is believed that the easiest way to get your heart broken is to love; to open up to someone, to trust them with your heart, to believe that your soul is safe with them. When you do all that, you are bound to get hurt, and eventually have your heart broken!

When you like someone so immensely that you literally freak out when they are not around, fear of getting hurt or even slightly neglected by those same people becomes your companion. You stop seeing and thinking and believing that your life is beautiful without them being an essential part of it, for you only see the rainbow through their eyes.  When the people you love almost become the centre of your existence, every minute you spend without them becomes meaningless, tasteless and most certainly lifeless. When they smile, your world lights up. When they cry, your whole existence turns into something darker than your worst nightmare!

To love unconditionally, infinitely and wholeheartedly is to be totally exposed before the ones you love. You leave none of your sentiments hidden or unrevealed, because deep down you believe that what you give is always what you get. However, that is not always the case, for you cannot always expect others to be as emotional and loving as you are. If that was the way love worked, everybody would have been spared the heartache and no tears would ever have been shed! Sadly, people are not the same, and they can never be.

To love is to be inexplicably blinded by the sheer intensity of your need to your beloved ones. Yet, and against all odds, you never question your emotional hunger for their presence, their smile, their words, even at the times they drive you nuts!

It is only love that has the power to transform most people into fragile individuals, whose hearts are left unprotected against the hurt that could and would probably go their way; piercing their naked souls, penetrating them to the very core. The pain, once fully acknowledged, is unbearable, unthinkable, and most definitely unimaginable.  

When you love someone, whether a lover, a relative, or a friend, you are never immune to cruelty, injustice or hurt. When you love, you don’t brace yourself for the fall. It is only when you take the full force of the fall that you realize you are seriously wounded, only to discover that the bleeding is in your heart, and that you are heartbroken!!

Do nosy people ever stop being nosy?!

Have you ever felt so frustrated and annoyed, because of someone,  that you momentarily lost the ability to appropriately express yourself, or more to the point your anger? Has that someone pushed you to the brink; until you literally felt you could not take it anymore?

Well, it happens all the time!! And it has happened to me so many times recently, to the extent that I have stopped feeling surprised. It is puzzling, really, the way some people are totally ignorant to the word ‘PRIVACY’, and it is definitely annoying how they insist on invading your privacy in every way and on all accounts; always eager to know more, always dying to find out what you are doing, how you are doing it and why you are doing it!

God, isn’t that enough to drive you crazy and wear your patience completely? Frankly, incessant nosiness is unbearable, utterly horrible and most definitely inexcusable! What bothers and angers me even more is the way NOSY people practice their nosiness! Well, for a start they might ask you one innocent little question; pretending to be mildly interested in you, only to gradually shower you with endless, sometimes even weird questions, that eventually succeed in stunning you in a very unsettling way! Yet nothing, even your obvious discomfort at their rudeness and lack of etiquette, serves to deliver the one message to them; that you are truly not willing to let them in on your privacy or your life!

How hard is that to understand? I mean, people in general only speak when they want to speak, when they are willing to share! When I imply a tendency for reticence, then I sure do mean it, and want it. When I choose not to say anything, it is because I don’t have anything to say; particularly to the ones I don’t trust nor feel comfortable talking to! So how come nosy people never get that? And why do they constantly feel the need to know everything about everybody! I swear it is like they are driven by some sort of insatiable thirst to pry into other people’s business, and know things that do not concern them in the least, not out of concern but curiosity; negative curiosity!

Honestly, I don’t think I will ever understand the way nosy people think or act! And though I might not be able to express my annoyance openly, I can still say: Mind your business people!

But really, do nosy people ever stop being nosy?? I cannot help but wonder!

2010

As the year 2010 is getting closer by the minute, I find myself becoming more and more pensive, eerily speculative, yet hopeful in a way or another. The passing of time has never ceased to fill me with this sense of fearful and also hopeful anticipation; as though my heart and my senses are in constant expectation of an unknown occurrence whose coming to life will either turn me into a complete pessimist or the total opposite.

Time has this magical inexplicable substance that has the power to alter your life, disorganize it, mess with it at times, possibly change you and eventually fill you with endless, even contradictory notions to dwell on and analyze thoroughly; mostly in an attempt to understand the philosophy of life, regardless of how crazy and mind blowing it could get at times.

The clock is ticking, that I know, and with every ticking sound from your clocks and mine, we get closer to 2010. Soon enough 2009 will become a history, probably a collection of memories; pleasant and unpleasant alike! We are likely to drift backwards in time; in sweet remembrance maybe, or else in pure and utter nostalgia to moments we refuse to let go of.

It is only us who have the will and the ability to decide what to make of time, and what to become in time. We can always be hopeful, fearful, optimistic, pessimistic, productive, sluggish, melancholic, sentimental, emotional, apathetic, enthusiastic, bitter, strong-willed or anything  else we choose to be. It is us who truly make the change, and it is us who can paint the upcoming year “2010”; only a few days away, with whatever color we choose. We can paint it bright and glamorous and beautiful like a rainbow, or opt for dull, lifeless! Believe me, it is always us who can inflict CHANGE around us.  

Now that 2009 is bidding us farewell, I find myself looking back at all its events and occurrences, up to the tiniest little details. I cannot say it was a great year, in all honesty it was not my year at all! Nevertheless, it was eventful. I know that at the end of 2008, I had big expectations for 2009, I had plentiful of dreams and hopes and ambitions. Like everybody else, I so much wanted to believe that 2009 would be my year. However, I was in for disappointments and a portion of heartache.

I cannot say that 2009 turned out to be totally horrible and miserable, but it was not perfect. My only consolation was and still is my knowledge that nothing is perfect and nothing goes to our liking all the time. We should always brace ourselves for some disappointments and moments of unhappiness, which eventually make the moments of true happiness much tastier and definitely worth the wait. When such a moment arrives, trust me we will know how to value it and appreciate it they way we should.

Throughout 2009, I had my moments of peace, happiness and content and others of pain, hurt and despair. I did lose hope on so many occasions, yet I had moments of self-discovery and others of enlightenment. I learned a lot. I cried a lot, but I also laughed my head off so many other times I lost count. Now that it is coming to an end, I can clearly see that nothing that had happened during these 12 months occurred for no reason, for I am who I am now because of everything I have been through up until this very moment. 

Today, I want to take this chance to thank everybody who has and is still making me a happier person. To the people whose presence in my life has made all the difference. To those whose only existence makes me determined and hopeful enough to make it through today, and every day.

To my parents:

I am the luckiest person to have you by my side at all times. Dad, your warm fatherly embrace and the kiss you still plant on my cheek everyday is a priceless blessing. Mom, your beautiful smile and the sound of your laughter is music to my ears; you give life to life.

My amazing brothers,,

Ali: You are a wonderful brother. Guess what, I have a feeling that this year will –Inshalla- be your year. Well, it is about time you got married, eh? Come on I want to become an aunt!

Abdulla: You will make a lady very lucky one day. If I could find someone as amazing, gorgeous and perfect as you, believe me I would not have invented No Face!

Mohammed: YOU know I love you so much. You are unique, and please don’t take my constant teasing personally;P

Auntie Nano, Koki, Anoos, Nabooh, Adool and Layla,,
Every single moment I spend amongst you all makes me happier. Thank you for making our times together unique and joyful.

To all my friends,,
A huge thank you for always being there for me, even before I call out to you.

(Umm Ameer): Whoever says that angels don’t exist on earth should really come and see you!  I am  immeasurably loved and  forever blessed because I have you; my dear guardian angel with the golden heart. One more thing, a real prince is waiting for you somewhere out there; a real “Ameer”;D 

(Khadija): Thank you for seeing the best there was in me and being with me through thick and thin, from early childhood until this moment.  For this solid friendship I shall always be thankful. 

(Hadeel): You are a true blessing. It was such a lucky day the day I came across Shelfari, for it was what led me to you. Can you see how lucky I am? Thank you for being you, and may 2010 bring you lots of smiles and blessings.

(Afrah): Thank you for believing in me when I did not believe in me!

(Amal & Hana): The best thing that happened to me at work was meeting you two. Do you remember how much we used to laugh? Bless you!

(Khulood): Thank you for being such a great cousin and an amazing friend.

(Amool): Whenever I remember your smile and your contagious laughter, I know that life is indeed beautiful. Keep smiling!

(Mariam, Nada, Marioom, Meme, Faika, Khokha, Farah, Layoool, Maroom, Shosho, Nadoy, Fatoom, and all my other friends):
Thank you for your sunny presence in my life. I love you all.

(H): Although you might never know this, you have given my heart reason enough to dream! So thank you!

(No Face): It is about time you showed up!!

To all my cyber friends,,
A big thank you for your constant support and encouraging.


Happy New Year everybody and May Allah Bless You All and  grant you all your dreams and wishes. 

Serendipity

Can once in a lifetime happen twice?

Well, I believe this to be one hell of a thought provoking question, or more to the point a “Hope Provoking” question! It was written on the poster of the movie “Serendipity”, and it is the kind of phrase whose choice of words will undoubtedly have me end up including the movie in question, whether serendipity or any other movie, on my list of movies to watch.

I didn’t see this movie in the cinema; I came across it by sheer coincidence a long time ago and decided to watch it. It did not disappoint me the least. On the contrary, it made my day at the time and caused me to have that little flutter of the heart, which occurs whenever something touches me so deep; to the extent of taking my breath away, making me want to lose myself completely and unconditionally to a world of mesmerizing heart warming little  fantasies that never cease to overwhelm me totally.. completely.. and most definitely mind bogglingly! 

Last night, I was aimlessly going through the sometimes frustratingly boring channels of the Showtime Network, and I accidentally came across ‘Serendipity’, again! About 45 minutes of the movie running time had already passed, but that did not matter to me. A huge smile, one of utter happiness, played over my face at my twist of luck. But of course it was Christmas Eve and Serendipity was the perfect movie to play on such an occasion.

So, I watched the movie with a sense of joy, and my attitude throughout the rest of it was that of someone watching it for the very first time! My heart raced with anticipation and thrill. I found myself smiling stupidly; trying to contain myself from breaking into tears at the extent of romantic love being played before my eyes, only I stopped myself from doing so because my father was watching the movie with me! When the final scene arrived, that of Jonathan and Sarah meeting again at last, I could feel the lump in my throat, and I did surreptitiously dab the tears from the corner of one eye. I am a pure sentimental, that much I admit!

When I later went to bed, I found myself wondering if 'ONCE’ in a lifetime can truly happen ‘TWICE’!! The answer was not there for me though, it never was!

He likes me,, he likes me not?!

How many of you have picked out a flower once, and decided to test if the person you had a crush on felt the same way about you by taking out the flower's petals; one by one, chanting to yourself all the while: He/She likes me, He/She likes me not?!

Honestly, I did that a long time ago; back when I was a little girl with a ponytail, but it was not for a boy I had a crush on! I mostly did it to figure out whether or not I would score the highest grade at an exam or a quiz or anything of the sort! Funny as it may sound now, I did believe that by doing so I could really know my fate in advance! And of course, the same flower act would, back then, apply to all kinds of uncertainties and stuff I had doubts about! Yet, I don't remember ever doing it for a guy I longed to know if he shared a feeling I had for him!

Well, now that the idea has popped into my mind, taunting me to do it just for the sake of fun, I cannot help but think about what it would feel like for me to do it wholeheartedly and for real; thinking all the while about a face I cannot seem to be able to forget, or close my eyes in a stupid attempt to make it go! I cannot help but imagine how I would feel if I were this girl in the picture; praying for God that the man she likes would feel the same way about her! Does it feel sweet, painful, heaven or hell? I do not know, but I do want to know!

Sitting in the solitude and quiet of my room, tapping on the keyboard writing this, I find myself wondering if that someone would ever read this, and if he does read it, would he close his eyes and try to see my face behind his closed eyelids? Would he think of me throughout his day and before surrendering to sleep at night? Would he go back to the very first line just to read the piece once again; only without knowing why he did it?! Would he have that funny yet beautiful smile of recognition on his face every time he remembers bits and pieces of the things I said??

So many questions here and so many what ifs! Only I do not know the answers to them, and he probably does!

Burn brightly.. Never burn out!

While driving to work this morning, I have had that strange sense of emptiness and disorientation, which kept my mind busy going all directions! I asked myself one question then: "What is it you are not happy about?", and though it took me some time to figure out what it was, I knew it was there at the back of my mind; waiting for me to acknowledge it to myself and admit to the truth in it!

Anyway, when I arrived at work, I sat thoughtful at my desk; trying to sort out the mess both inside my head and that on the desk infront of me! There were heaps of papers and I truthfully felt at a loss as to from where to start clearing it out. Just for the record, I am normally not the kind of person who settles for such a chaos, but the past days I was unbelievably busy that I had to pretend I didn't see all the scattered items and papers lying just before my eyes. But now that I have finally had the chance to put everything back in its place, I certainly did just that! However, amongst the stacks of papers, I found a small yellow piece of paper on which I wrote, just a few weeks back, exactly four sentences. Well, the sentences were actually more of a "note to onself"; they are simply pieces of wisdom, which I have personally picked out and decided to keep to myself so they would always stand out as a reminder of the meaning they hold within. They are the following:

1. If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.
2. Burn brightly without burning out.
3. Sometimes in the wind of change, we find out true direction.
4. Throw your heart over the fence and the rest will follow.

Well, the story-all of it- lies in the second one; which as you can see I have highlighted in a different colour. Reading it was all I needed to see the truth ahead of me and put my finger on the 'thing' that was disturbing me and giving me such a hard time! I was simply burning out; trying to light the way for the people I care about most! To read this one sentence once again, I relaized I have always been a candle burning brightly to others, but at the same time burning out!! Now that I have fully acknowledged it, I can tell you for sure that it hurts, it really does!

Now, some people may ask me what it is with me that always makes me talk "Emotion", and my answer to them is: it is because emotion is eventually what brings people together, it is the only thing left for every single one of us when nothing else matters; when everything else fades away and loses its value! After all, what are we but human beings? What are we but a pounding heart that can stop beating at any moment?! Sadly though, so many people just don't see that and they do grasp the full meaning of it, but only when it is too late to do so!

I know that some of you while reading this will wonder why I have written this, why now, and what made me feel this way! Well, I guess it is because writing is my way of releasing such sentiments! And what is a writer if not a sentimental? And one last thing to say, maybe by writing this, my message will reach those whom I hope will read it and realize that burning brightly is Never the same as burning out!